My definition of my childhood and how it framed my personality would be that kind love is hard to find. Growing up i realized that my mom, even though she is a very devoted mother, never made me feel loved silly. I always saw her as the bad cop. She has a loud voice and she's always yelling about something. My dad too is not an emotional support. I like to think he is, but the truth is, he's failed at it too. This emotional barrenness has affected my development of 'feelings' i think.

The reason i felt i had to write this silly post was because of a simple thing my gran did today that got to me, and it IS the silliest of things. She's an older version of my mum. She's even louder and very opinionated that i don't bother speaking my mind with her, because i like the softness of silence i suppose. So today, i was in bed and she's turned the light on in the adjacent room and she knew i was trying to sleep, though the light doesn't bother me. And when i opened my eyes, I saw that she'd gently closed the door so the light wouldn't disturb me. (I told u it was silly) But it felt very motherly and that simple act compared to all the moments where we don't show emotion like that really touched me.

A favorite memory of my mum was when i was 6 and i fell asleep at my study table and i felt my mum lifting me up and i thought this was it! here comes another loud noise session and all she did was lay me on the bed and i kind of peeked at her curiously and she looked at me softly. I remember falling asleep feeling this tingling sensation i usually get when i realize someone has love within them for me by the things they do. And i very rarely get those.
SuperWomanFly SuperWomanFly
22-25, F
1 Response Aug 21, 2014