The Apparent Gravitational Pull of Church... :

My church story is half-romantic, half depressing, and you really need to know my whole story for me not to look like a sap, but I guess this isn't the time to get to that.

I was raised in the catholic church, and stayed relatively faithful to the religion for most of my life or so. Of course, I'm barely 16, so that doesn't mean much. We didn't go to church frequently, only on Easter and Christmas Eve. I guess that was kind of common in Germany. When we moved to the US in the Summer of '99, and I hated my parents for it. I had only ever had one friend my entire life, and we were moving away from her. I continued to attend church on and off until 4th grade. I'd found a new best friend by then, and her family was fiercely religious.

Myself, I didn't think much about religion. I was still working on mastering the English language. It wasn't until 4th grade when I switched schools because I'd gotten into the TAG/GAT program, that someone pushed me to actually think about what I obediently recited every week. I began to pay more attention to the belief I was being taught and noticed the hypocricy, the hatred, and everything else that makes the Catholic church so unpopular. For the next 4 years, I was an atheist, much to the despair of my parents.

...Fast-forward to the 8th grade, where I experienced my first love, my first of several betrayals, my first break-up, and my second and rather permanent love, who was nearly as despairing about my atheism as my parents had been.

We talked about everything, even before going out, and religion was no exception. I was worried, of course, that he was upset by my cold-hearted hatred of religion. I remember asking him, "It would be easier for you if I were Christian, wouldn't it?" He denied it like a real champion, countering that he only felt I could gain so much from religion. That was Easter Sunday 2006. He challenged me to just try praying... after all, if there was no God, the worst thing that could possibly happen is that I'd feel foolish.

So that night, I prayed very openly. I'm still not sure what in the world happened to me, but something about it felt very right. I woke up the next day a Christian. Weird, for a stubborn person like me, but very refreshing. I still wasn't sure what I believed, but I believed in God. I kind of felt him.

Going to church was the scariest thing I can ever remember facing. At a catholic church, you always had to know the right cues for when to speak, you had to find the songs you were singing in huge books, and to me the organ was the most freakish instrument imaginable.
But when I attended my boyfriend's church, it was different. Everyone knew everyone, and made me feel as welcome as possible. We have a church band, the Prayz Team, that uses drums, guitars, vocal singers, a pianist, a keyboardist, and occasionally maracas. I'm heavily involved in the church, and it's the one place where I feel truly safe. It's truly become a haven for me.

I spent the next few months getting a grasp of what I believe, even though it still seems to change every day, and I see now more than ever that God has a special and unique plan for each person. And I finally learned the names of the others at my church... names are my weakness. :


squeakycow squeakycow
18-21, F
1 Response Aug 1, 2007

I guess if it makes you happy then pursue it. I myself do not like any organized religion. Not that I do not believe in a higher power, I just do not think that organized religion is good or right for anyone. Expect the sheep that like to feel safe in there little herd. People that do not question anything have no reason to not belong to one herd or another. I just wish more people would say something with conviction because they have experienced a reason to say so other than because someone else they know told them so. Always question everything because when you find the truth it will be that much more valuable to you. Hick!