I Going Through a Divorce, Right Now

I Don't Want This To End................

By: michael4480

Written on July 1st, 2011

10 weeks ago my wife took my children and with a note on the table for me to read when i got home from work, and left. We talk only about the children. She doesn't want to go to counseling. I already received paper work. I am so devastated. My mind is consumed with her. I do go to counseling and he says I am doing well for the situation I am in. I see my children all the time. I also see her. It hurts so bad when I see her. All I want to do is hold her. I do still tell her I Love you, and receive no response. That's okay. But I do love her more than I can even say..Not only was she my world, my love, my best friend, she was my everything. I know that it looks like there is no hope. But I still pray that this can be fixed. As time has gone on, people tell me it will get easier. It hasn't. I would give anything to have her back in my life. I want to get through just one day without wiping tears from my eyes. I feel for everyone faced with this. I hope all of you going through this can find some peace of mind. I'm still waiting for mine........................

By: michael4480

Age: 36-40 , Male

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9 responses

maxximiliann

A relationship - a happy relationship - is one where BOTH bear the responsibilities they have towards one another. I know it's hard for you to see this now but you'll soon realize she's being selfish and is shirking her responsibilities towards you. That being the case what you have is a toxic relationship one from which nothing - and I mean NOTHING - good can come from. You need to move on and find someone who understands that a happy relationship is not just about taking - it's about GIVING too. All the best! :)

Apr 26, 2012
1 like
lovesj

Good advice from CharlieRose...You have to be a whole person on your own first. She may never love you, that is the reality. It is harsh, but true.In the meantime, love your children and be good to yourself. Time will heal the hurt. You deserve to love a woman who will love you back. It will happen.

Aug 3, 2011
1 like
lovesj

Good advice from CharlieRose...You have to be a whole person on your own first. She may never love you, that is the reality. It is harsh, but true.In the meantime, love your children and be good to yourself. Time will heal the hurt. You deserve to love a woman who will love you back. It will happen.

Aug 3, 2011
1 like
lovesj

Good advice from CharlieRose...You have to be a whole person on your own first. She may never love you, that is the reality. It is harsh, but true.In the meantime, love your children and be good to yourself. Time will heal the hurt. You deserve to love a woman who will love you back. It will happen.

Aug 3, 2011
1 like
lovesj

Good advice from CharlieRose...You have to be a whole person on your own first. She may never love you, that is the reality. It is harsh, but true.In the meantime, love your children and be good to yourself. Time will heal the hurt. You deserve to love a woman who will love you back. It will happen.

Aug 3, 2011
2 likes
charlierose5012

Michael,

I feel for you... I know exactly the feeling you are going through and it is so debilitating. I couldn't eat (lost 20 pounds in 6 weeks), couldn't sleep, couldn't think at my job, couldn't read a book or watch TV. My every thought was consumed by my wife and what she was putting me through. And there was no reason for it - that was the hardest part is that she would just say she just didn't love me anymore. She would say I was perfect, but obviously not enough for her.

The only way I got better (and believe me, it gets better) was to stop thinking about the what and why of what she was thinking or doing, and concentrating on what my reactions were to what was happening. I would never be able to read her mind or change her mind - the only thing I could change was me. I wanted to be happy - I was a shell of who I was. I had defined myself by my wife and kids and that was no longer there. I still define myself by my kids - and nobody can take that away from me. But I also define myself by me - by who I am and what I like. By my values in life and my own happiness. My dream of growing old with my wife and watching our kids grow and have kids of their own was shattered. So you know what? - I started dreaming a new dream. Of all the many wonderful fun things I can and am now doing with my life. The funny thing is - I could have done all of these things with or without my wife around. I didn't need her to define me or make me happy - I could make myself happy. Sure I loved her, and I still do - but she is no longer the person I need to make me happy in my life. I am the only one who can do that.

Point is Michael - you need to start thinking about yourself. You cannot and will not get your wife to come back to you by sheer force of will. You obviously are not convincing her to come back to you by begging and pleading. So it is time for you to try something new. Be yourself for yourself. Be happy. Do things that make YOU happy - just for you. I am very serious that if you do this it will work. I have been right where you are - in so much pain that I wanted someone to give me a pill that would make it all go away. But now I am happy - very happy. My wife still isn't "in love" with me - but we are great friends and get along wonderfully. She sees that I am happy and doing things for myself, and she is very curious about it. She is now the one asking me how my life is going and what things I have done. I like her, and don't mind sharing with her. Sometimes I invite her to do some of those things with me (bike riding, bowling, etc.). Sometimes she accepts and sometimes she doesn't. But I have a blast doing these things either way. Because I am not doing them for her or to win her back - I am doing them for me because I enjoy it.

Do it - this will work. Not overnight, but I guarantee you it will work.

Jul 11, 2011
3 likes
- michael4480
  wow, you really get it. I just hope I can get happy, be happy, be the person I want to be, without her. I don't even know at this point, besides my children, what makes me happy. I hope to find it soon. thanks so much.....................
  
  Jul 11, 2011
  1 like
bunni22

im so sorry for you,you sound very nice,i think with time your wife will realise that she does need you,just give her some time

Jul 10, 2011
1 like
- michael4480
  It's been 12 weeks and two days now and I am losing all hope. I would give anything to have her back in my life. This is the worst thing that has ever happened to me. I have to keep on going and have some sort of hope. I hope that you are right, if you have any other positive advice let me know. thank you..............
  
  Jul 10, 2011
  1 like

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