Another 26 Years

My hubby told me he wasn't happy for a few years.  I ignored it.  I wasn't at  times also, but made a covenant for better or worse.  I felt we were in the worse.  I worked so hard at this marriage, it was my lifes career.  We had decided I would stay home and raise our child.  So he could have his career.  My kid had many physical problems.  During all of her growin up years we moved, as I gave up a dying father to move, friends, family, doctors, a support system.  This happened three times during our marriage.   During this time he was offered a chance for a once in a lifetime job.  He left the decision to me.  I told him he could take it, as he had the degreee, and I never wanted to stand in the way of his advancement.   I felt it was the right thing to enhance his career, amd my covenant to go where he went.  In 1993 he went to work for this company.  He had to run a factory.  I realized the pressure he was under, but I told him he could take this job if the owner of the compant didn't own him.  Well he did.   I was always alone with my child, took her to the usual dance lessons, church, etc.  It was fun, but alot of times, my husband was absent.  Work came first.  I also mowed the yards in all three homes, shoveled the snow so he could get in, so we could have the week-ends together.  He chose to go to work Sats. When our daughter was 12 her spine colapsed, and by reason of exclusion she was diagnoised as having Idiopathic Juvenile Osteoporosis.  She had eight fractures in her spine and he density was worse than an 80 year old.  No doctor wanted to give her narcotics, let alone meds for a girl who was premenstral, let alone post menopausal.  The kid suffered for 18 months till she got an appropriate pain med.  Her body was fragile and i was the one home to care for her.  That was fine with me, I wouldn't have had it another way.  Since she couldn't move I spent many days, years, homeschooling her from her bed.  She was finally put on Fosomax.  She gained some density, but never got the best density until she was on Fortero injections.  My husband has NEVER been interested in her medical problems.  Since then she has Fibromyalgia, anxiety, bi-polar, IBS, chronic pain, and now lower density again.  She is on SSI.
In 2003 I started having anxiety, yet managed on meds to keep the family going.  I since have been diagnoised with fibromyalgia, Lupus, chemical inbalance, and a mild bi-polar.  My husband felt I spent too much time with the kid, but he never wanted inclusion.  He could tell you what year a Beetles song was written rather than what meds we currently take and why.  He had a fit over a bear box.  A bear he gave me, and I gave to my daughter.  My kid ripped the box, and he went into a rage.  He yelled and screamed, ans my daughter was so upset she didn't want the bear and I took us out of the house.  When we returned, there on the kitchen table was the box for all to see, glued together and held in place by clippy clothes pins.  He also didn't let me walk on a kitchen floor, and my heel marks made dents.  I was slowly seeing signs of him treating us as his employees he disipointed him.  He and he family hate sick people, esp, those who cannot get well.  He screamed at my daughter when they did math, and I had to send her to Sylvan, as he yelled at her with a red face when she couldn't understand it.  He was enraged.  He thinks mt daughter & I could get better, and believe me we have tried alot of different methods, doctors, holistics.  I have felt bad for him to come home to two ill people.  In 2009 he started with the I'm not happy, and in the fall of 2010 decided we needed a post-nup.  I'd never heard of it, and four lawyers and my pastor told me not to sign it.  You see my husband has different personalities, with those he works with, those at church, and his family.  All three of us are in counseling.  On Mat 13th he packed and moved out, only to ask me if he could come back two days later.  I told my pastor and huband I needed time to think.  Well apparently thats all the time I got.  He filed.  I have asked him to stop the divorce and try it.  I suspect he is into things he cannot do around an adult  disabled daughter or wife.  We also filed out 2010 income taxes on on-line this year.  We got 15K back.  I never have seen a dime of it, and would like to put some money down on a small townhome we have seen, for my daughter and mysef.  He hasn't Moved his 10K plus tools out of the garage, so I expect him to buy my half out.  I will need to part with so many beautiful thingd that he got me for a beautiful home.  Today during cleaningand packing I threw away a 30 year old medical dictionary, and a baby sweater that had frayed.  The man took the dictionary.  He has been going through our trash for all of our married life.  He told me he felt financially raped by me, yet when if I gave a shower, birthday, wedding retirentment party I had his blessings.  Even thing for our daughter.  Mind you he never would allow her a canopy bed, or got her a car to drive.  He must of ben very into money, and he made 250K at his highest with a bonus.  I never had salon services, nails done, tanning face lifts of the like.  I was grateful to have co-pays and medical insurance.  I used to send both out generour gifts for our famalies, and never forgot his sister, mothers, brothers, moms birthdays, as well as the neices and nephews.  He used to say oh your so welcome, with a puffed up ego, then asked me what i got them.  He is very disipointed his only child( I had a abortion for this man, as did another woman),did not turn out perfect, and he blames me for her illnesses.  psych and counselor think he has mental issues, but sadly he is a narcicist, and believes he is perfect and th world should move around him.  I am sick to think the only man I have kept myself for not only doesn't love me, but it gone. I do not want a divorce, but he is going through with it.  I am sad one day he will regret it., as his daughter wants nothing to do with him.  So I dumped my story here.  Any input would be helpful.  I only have the house money to live on, and his savings to put down for the home.  He never took us on vacations, unless his family was included.  Yet he flew all over the world on work while I tended to his ill kid and myself and his homes. Thanks for listening.    JaneE
LhasaX2 LhasaX2
3 Responses Jul 17, 2011

I feel the same way. My husbands is throwing 14 years of marriage away.

You need to get a divorce lawyer asap. You are entitled in most states to half of all your assets and all your debts. And he will be required to pay you alimony and child support, including medical coverage. I wouldn't stay one more day. Get photos of everything in the house and any proof you can of any other assets and go. You and your daughter will be better off without someone like that in your lives. Seriously. Be brave.

dont sign anything he wants you to sign! he is going to try and cut you out of getting anything in your divorce! start rtaking small amounts of money out of your account each week and hide it . make sure he doesnt try to hide his money in offshore accounts. sad, but Ive been there,and you will swee soon enuf. but good luck