Hardest Thing In My Life ...

It's funny what you consider challenging.

Making a marriage work - being willing to sacrifice everything to keep this afloat - that is what I considered challenging.

Having your husband give you and your child up for drinking and drugs - that topped everything on my list.

I think a little piece of my soul, and my heart, shattered that day - not for me ... more for my child.

This is the single most hardest thing I have every done. I hurt, I'm angry, I'm scared, I'm lonely -- I'm broken.

I want to be so string for my son - be stoic - hide the fact that I am human because he needs his MOTHER first and foremost. 

I can not move on .... I can not get through this.  I am trying to release my anger in walking, working, cleaning, etc. It's not working - so each person I end up talking to - if we talk emotions - I just start spouting this out.

I feel like I need to stay FAR away from all humans .... if not, you'll probably be hit by my shrapnel.

MizzBlue72 MizzBlue72
36-40, F
5 Responses Feb 19, 2009

Thank you mrcellophane -- it really helps that I can put this out there and quit thinking about it over and over.

Hi<br />
I guess we have never been formally introduced, but on paper you seem amazing. I'm with all of the other "commenting guys". It can't hurt to put your feelings out there, and to know that there are so many empathetic people that don't mind taking a shot or two of shrapnel in the name of helping their fellow man (or woman in this case). You're not alone.....

Double up - I did watch the movie Fireproof. I recommend this movie to everyone. Not only people who have been in a divorce, etc, but hust to see how each dynamic of a person is demonstrated in a mattiage. It is a great movie.<br />
<br />
Thank you Jojo -- I kept off of here for awhile because I was so angry and negative, I didn't want people to think that I am whinig an complaining. It's really nice to know that there are people out here who understand.

I'm so sorry for your sorrow. I wish there was something I could do to make the burden easier for you. You cannot help someone else with their addiction, no matter how you try.<br />
Be strong for your child. Yes, it may be the hardest thing you've ever had to endure but know you will come out stronger and not broken from this. In time you will see, I promise. I know you're hurt, angry, scared, broken and lonely. Be strong. I'm here for you and I can take some shrapnel and barbs, if it helps ease your pain, send them my way. You will get through this. With our help, you can get through this and you will move on. Life as you know it has changed but things will settle down and you will be at peace. I'm here!<br />
All the best!<br />

Thank you guys == this hel[s :)