My Husband Wants A Divorce

I have been married for almost 12 years (Jan is our anniversary). We have 3 kids (13, 9 and 7). My husband has been out of work for a year and he just recently sat by his dad's side for weeks watching him die. When he came back home after being away for 5-6 weeks. I knew there was something wrong, I knew it talking over the phone to him throughout the weeks. He came home and I said we need to talk and he preceeding to tell me: He cheated on me and he has been unhappy for 5 years and doesn't want to work it out because he has feelings for someone else. I don't know if he's just going through something or this is for real...I am willing and told him we can make it work but he does not. He's not even thinking about the kids and how they are going to be affected....

What do I do? Wait and maybe he'll change his mind maybe he's going through alot of emotions and this thing won't work with this other woman who also is going through a divorce.

Please someone talk to me...Should I give up all together?? I am truley in love with him

HSteinhauer HSteinhauer
36-40, F
4 Responses Dec 2, 2009

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I just want to share my experience and testimony here.. I was married for 6 years to my husband and all of a sudden, another woman came into the picture.. he started avoiding me and he was abusive..but I still loved him with all my heart and wanted him at all cost, then he filed for whole life was turning apart and I didn't know what to do..he moved out of the house and abandoned the kids.. so someone told me about trying spiritual means to get my husband back and introduced me to a spell caster, so I decided to try it reluctantly..although I didn't believe in spell but just decided to give it a try, i contacted the spell caster Dr. Ikedi via email and he helped me cast a re-union spell and within 72 hours my husband came back to me and realized his mistakes..i just couldn't believe it.. anyways we are back together now and we are happy.. Contact this great spell caster today for your relationship and marriage problems via this email ikedispiritualtemple

My wife cheated on me and told me all the same things. It's devastating and my heart goes out to you. It will be really hard for a long time. My best advise is to lean on family and friends and stay postiive around your kids If you want to save the marriage it may be possible if you are very patient. after the dust settles you may feel very differently about things. I think what your husband has done is terrible. It really does amaze me how selfish some people can be and how they are so willing to cause so much pain and suffering to those most important to them. Stay strong, join meetups, community groups, church, or whatever it is you can lean on for support. People don't realize how dreadful it is to go through what youa re going through. I lost friends and realized who my real friends were.

Now all that being said, if youi want to save the marriage I do believe you can. but you might have to be willing to let him go for a while. I practiced the following things and it worked very well. In the end I decided I couldn't get back wtih my wife after how she treated me. But you do the following it does help:

Don't argue or criticise what he has done. Even if he blames you, just agree with him. put a good name on what he thinks he is doing.

Get positive and start excercising and eating well. Act happy around him. every time you start to hurt and get angry and want to criticize and yell, just stop. This is hard to do but if you do it it does help. The big one is this, let him realize what he is losing. Act like the new girl is ok and you accept it. If you act like everything is ok, then he may just change his mind.

Don't have deep conversations. keep it small and simple. and don't argue. just stop. Let him be right about everything.

just do things differently. you might want to consider finding a man to hang out with. It sounds terrible but he may just realize what he is losing. In the end whataver happens if you handle it right, the outcome will be for the better. If he really didn't want to be with you then you're better without him. If he really does love you then he might just be having a phase. no matter what if you get positive and don't argue or resisit him, things might change for the better. I feel for you. It's the most terrible thing I've ever experienced. I had the added fun of getting cancer one month after she left the house. So do take care of your emotional and physical state at this time. It's very important becuase the stress will wear you down. Peace and love and I pray for the best outcome for you.

Hello, Scott is right you can't make the other person try they have to be willing to want to save the marriage. I am so sorry for what you are going trough, just remember its not your fault, we are not perfect, but that does give some else the right to crush our dreams. It's really unfair that he's telling you now how unhappy he has been for years the cheat when he had the power to work on his issues 5 years before. I was forced to file for a divorce I didn't want, there Is not much you can do he want out you must let him go, you loved him ad stood by him and he chose to cheat and end thd marriage It not really up to you anymore. He has options, but you should no be an option but a priority you are his wife. You didnt give up, he did. I wish I had all the answers and the right word to advice you on but I don't, I really do know how it feels to know that your spouse has been with someone else and its just to painful. Hugs to you