R.i.p Paula

ive just been told that the mother of my 2 grown up kids has taken her own life last night she was on this site user name paulaforever she was going through bad time after her long term partner she got with after we split beat her up badly he is in prison on remand for what he did i cant belive she felt this was her only way out i knew she was scared for when this man gets out and she moved away not even telling me where she was i loved her to bits she was my first love the mother of my 2 kids who i have got to go and break the news that there mum as ended her life we parted over 15 years ago on good terms until this man over the years controlled her we slowly stopped hearing from her than her number changed etc it was like 4 years i lasted seen paula but she was with mark her partner and seemed very timid and scared to speak with me she wasnt the happy cheeky girl i knew anyway than i learnt only 2 weeks ago that this man had beaten her with his belt and fist leading to her needing stitches to her bottom and back from where this man used his belt up to 100 times on her and half of them was with the buckle end leading to deep cuts god why didnt i do something all them years earlier when i could see she wasnt herself she might be with us today if i had r.i.p paula .
daveylovesyou daveylovesyou
46-50, M
12 Responses Jan 19, 2013

Survivors guilt is what's very,very hard to cope with.The love of my life just committed suicide 6 weeks ago at the age of only 42 so I know exactly what you're going through.She could've reached out and asked for help.It's not your fault.People have been saying this to me as well.I keep thinking whether or not I could've done something to prevent my tragedy;well I'm sure you're thinking the same...but the answer to both of us is no.If it wouldn't have happened yesterday it could very well have happened tomorrow instead,or next week or a month from now.Even if you may have spoken to her.Don't beat yourself up.I know it's something you will inevitably do anyways....but just give it time.It's all I can do as well.Stay strong bro.

I am so sorry for your loss, I hug you all and your children,
I m so sorry.

i`m really sorry to read this story; and really angry that she suffered at the hands of a sadistic moron. I hope he gets beaten up every day in prison, the bastard. Personally, I`d have a reception committee waiting for him when he gets out.

thanks mate nice to have u on side if i didnt have our 2 kids to think about i would have got myself locked up to get the scum bag but they need me right now i need them 2 to be honest with u worse day of my life tomorrow he should get done for murder if it wasnt for him she would be here still thanks mate dave and kids

dear davey,early this morning ,God in his mercy allowed Paula forever to visit me in a dream and thanked me for being her friend though I am thousands of mile away in Malaysia.The impression she gave was she didn,t commit suicide...she was driven to suicide...cos the sadist promised to finish her off .Thank you Paula and do rest in peace!!!!!!

The next time i move i will change my name and leave my family too. Sometimes it seemsis harder trying to live knowing ur peace could one day end, or the little that u have left. It took me forever to break up with a sneaky cheating boyfriend because he kept me safe from everything. And knew i was fragile to anything reminding me of the past

you stay strong girl i dont really understand how paula felt what was going on in her head i pleaded with her to come and stay with me i promised her that this man would never ever hurt her again but she said no and to leave her alone the thought of her sitting there and planning to leave her home to a place she never knew and no one knew her to go into a room and know she was going to die there alone with whatever thoughts in her head i keep asking myself why why why did she chose this way out god its so hard am not a woman going through it nor am i a man who would put a woman through it so am truly finding it hard to make sense of it love did u stay with this man after him beating u if so why am not being noisy just trying to understand x

I stayed til i was sick n tired of being sick n tired cuz until then u will always keep going back after promises of change. He was the first and only guy i had a sexual relationship with. He was always paranoid and acted like a gentleman until he had his episodes of thinking i was cheating even when i spent days in the house with him. It was horrible but i had cut off my family cuz of drama there and when i used to run i had no where to go. Until one day i didnt care if i had nothing i was not going to let him win. At 18 I went to a homeless shelter and started over

I am like paula i live everyday think. ng he might find me one day, and hes in jail! But fear and anxiety will make u want to beat him to the punch. He got five years 2 monthes ago and my mother said he testified in court saying he knew where i was, correct state, and said we were still talking (hes crazy) but now i have to move again. And leave everyone again, and i have four years to do it. Its stressful because your scared everyone you touch will be a victim of him too or they cant protect you

Heartfelt condolences to, may her soul rest in peace and you and your kids overcome this great grief.

Dear daveylovesyou

I am sorry for your loss and your guilt. Unfortuntely there is no template on how to help someone in Paula's position. It's not like helping someone to cross the road is it?
Men like Paul was with normally slowly but surely issolate and control their victims. Sometimes the only way out is the way that Paula took. The reality in life is the bad guys do not always get kept by the police. I am one of the lucky ones and I feel for you and your children. It is a tragic affair and there would be NO right way to help in this case I think. It would take you so much research probably to get the specialized help that she would need - would that have meant more beatings for her? When you are in that situation you get so tired and exhausted from just staying in one piece it is not easy to think rationally anyway.
My love and peace to your family. Paula is now at peace. No more fear, no more wondering if she will be in one piece from moment to moment. No more living on the edge - deprived of a normal life. God Bless you - from a sincere well wisher. My heart breaks for you, but you will be OK. Take the good that you are forward and rebuild - what better way than to get your own back on her aggressor - I think that will really **** him off - people like that, I think sometimes, feed off of and enjoy destroying people. Please, don't give him that satisfaction. Do not give that to him - he has taken enoughxxx

thank u there so many people who seem to know and understand a lot more than i do on how paula was thinking and feeling over these last few weeks or longer i myself cant get round the fact that someone can do this to another human being am sorry there not men there animals x

They are not men I think is the point. When you meet a truly evil male you realise just how gentle, loving, warm and normal so many real men are in the world. You are right - he is not a man. Don't try to understand...just pick up the pieces, carry Paula in your heart and help carry your children forward is all I can say. It will make you ill I think if you try to understand.

My condolences to you and the family. My heart just hurts for all of you. Be strong.

you can't blame yourself davey. my condolences. she was in an awful and desperate situation. may she rest in peace.

thank you its nice to know others cared i did try but she pushed me away i dont know maybe i pushed her to much she wouldnt talk to me she used to be so strong so happy loved life so to get this news today am finding it very hard to accept and even harder to accept she thought this was the only way out god forgive me for hating the man that made her take this out she leaves behind 2 grown up kids matty age 21 and sarah 19 my children too please look after her up there for us u may be gone but u will never be forgotten xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

you are a caring person...I see Jesus in you...Hope to be more like him too!

I am very sorry, And because I was interested in what was happening to her, and tried to reach out to her to encourage her, to be safe, I am very aware that you were doing the same. I am sorry it turned out like this. i commend you for reaching out to her, trying to get her to see reality, see things as they are.

She was very rattled, but i never expected this. You were a true friend to her, because you truly did try to help her.

And thank you for taking the time to share this. i appreciate you doing this. You both will be in my prayers.

(((((hugs))))...to you and her children. I am very sorry that this happened.