Grew Up A Chameleon...

... as a child of alcoholic parents. I never identified with either of my parents but I did with my older sisters. I suspect my mother would have preferred if I were a girl and my father was subconsciously threatened by me so I did what I could to please them. So, while I am primarily male and heterosexual I also have a fairly strong feminine identification. I've never had the urge to cross dress but this does play out in some of my sexual fantasies. I think all people are a mixture of masculine and feminine and it's a matter of degree. For a long time I was at war with myself which manifested itself as depression but I've found that integrating and accepting the two sides of myself has made all the difference. I'm lucky to have an understanding and compatible wife as well. Life is good.
loveherlots loveherlots
41-45, M
2 Responses Jul 12, 2010

I think you are right that we all have "masculine" and "feminine" sides to ourselves. I also think you sound like a really caring sensitive person, who has suffered a lot to get the really wonderful self awareness that you seem to describe.<br />
<br />
Whatever you do to express that, your wife is lucky to have a man like you.<br />
<br />
Claire xx

Since you know that it is a part of your nature then you should explore it. I don't mean dressing as a drag queen and hanging out at the gay bars but in other ways. you say you have fantacized about it but never acted on them. This is suppressing a part of you which could be dangerous. Its like say you like chocolate but avoid it because of your friends abhorrence to it, that is suppression.<br />
Now think of ways to explore this facet of your life. Maybe go buy a skirt or a kilt, pick up a package of panties from the local department store (sizes are on the back so you know proper sizing). GO HOME, slip on the panties and the skirt/kilt. Then think how do I feel. ask youself this question<br />
Does this feel right for me? Am I comfortable like this? Would I like to explore this further?<br />
If you answered YES to any of these questions, then take the next step, get a couple of more skirts. Wear them in and around your home until you are comfortable with it. Talk to your wife also. Explain to her how you feel at times. How your relationship was with your sisters. Tell her you LOVE her and are not GAY. She will probably have a million questions or so it will seem.<br />
With an OPEN and FRANK discussion, I am sure the two of you could work this out.<br />
The next problem is if you have children, sometimes an open dialogue with them is best. You know your children best so that would be yours and your wifes decision. You are not the only man to face this dilemma, nor will you be the last. I would suggest the following site although the title is a little ambiguous, "petticoat discipline" . Just type it in your tool bar.