Regret Of Leaving My HusbandMy husband had a vasectomy in 1993, we had two children, had a lovely home and we discussed children before we got married, he knew that I would like at least 3 children and he did agree he knew I longed for a large family. I used to feel selfish that this was what I longed for but we all want and need different things in life, some women are career minded early on and that's fine, I always orked alongside having my children, I worked from home and money was never an issue.
The reason for his vasectomy? He decided he wanted to travel, relax a bit and enjoy our lifestyle, everything that I can understand, he was also 10 years older than me. He did not regret having his vasectomy, it was his life/his body, but for me, the agony of not being able to have more children was difficult to deal with (I was 29 at that time), I had no input into our future and the feeling of not being able to have more children and his indifference towards me hurt me so much.
Every month, unintentionally I would be so upset, crying endlessly and not really knowing why at the time, now looking back I realise I ws probably grieving although I did not recognise this at the time. When I was pregnant with my daughter I was having twins although I lost one of the twins very early on in the pregnancy but I ached to have another baby, I could not change or help how I felt at the time. He had his vasectomy and that was than. No emotional help towards me, no talking about it, just struggling by myself to come to terms that my child bearing years were definitely over. I tried to make the marriage work but I did not want to be intimate with him, I loved him so much but I also came to resent him bitterly.
At the age of 36 I had an affair, why I don't know, I feel terrible about it and full of guilt but I also realised that I did not want to live this way and if we stayed together I woudl proably do this again. I left him at the age of 41, 12 years later, 12 years of loving and hating and arguing about the same thing. It is his life, he chose not to have more children but the last few years of our marriage because he realised that I was serious about leaving, he tried to do everything he could to save our marraige but it was all too late.
The day that I did leave him, he cried and was full of regret and remorse with having the vasectomy and not considering my feelings at the time it was only then that he admitted that he should have let me come to terms with not having any more children and allow my hormones/desire for more baby's to adjust to that. I wish I had recognised in my early 30's that I should have had counselling or spoke to someone, anyone because I believe that we could have made our marriage work.
I have not been able to have any other relationships because I am stuck in the past so much, yes I have the great house, career and lovely family, both my children are successful but we, my ex and I, are both suffering now and we were both selfish in our own ways at the time,. Our children are older 25 and 20, I will never have a long and happy marriage, we won't become grandparents together I miss him desperately to this day, I still love him very much but at the same time, full of anger towards him for not thinking of my feelings.
dawzone 46-50, F 12 Responses 4 Mar 12, 2012