Cheating? I Dont Know

Recently my wife seen some of the **** web sites i had been looking at and the past she has found some magazines this time i feel its serious. The first time was when she pregnant and for me it was an aid in lean times. She has never really forgiven me and i believe the underlying reason for her "lack of interest" so to speak. she has i feel that she has to compete with the images or be compared to but this was never the case for me. this time i think she feels that i cheated on her. Using **** for me is only a tool or aid and never a substitute as i want to be with my wife so much. Maybe i do have a high sex drive and **** is an easy aid but if it going to destroy my marriage well i don't know
danal danal
31-35, M
3 Responses May 30, 2007

Some of what you need to say & do....<br />
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Hug her...Tell her you want closeness back into your relationship...<br />
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Discuss what it is that you get out of ****.... why you like it... why you view it.... Just talk.... talk alot. Women need to process... men are just ashamed and shut up about it... all the more mystery.... all the more confusion for us. Hiding it just componds the circle of non-communication.<br />
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What's happening to her....her self esteem is suffering from the FAKE 38DDDD and 12 " waist "Barbie" in those pages that make her want to scream while her body is swelling to make your children..... Then to have the babies deflate whatever breasts she does have after all the breast feeding.<br />
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In her eyes.... viewing the porrnn is disrespectful to her mission in your relationship... especially while she wasn't exactly in a position to fulfill your every sexual wim in her prior prego state.<br />
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The "lack of interest" is because she's fuming mad with you....she wont confront this issue with you for whatever reason and until you do, the freeze out will continue. Trust me here... she needs to talk about this. It will help her feel re-connected to you.<br />
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opening comments suggestions... "Honey, I know there is a huge elephant in the room that we don't discuss. I want to be here for you....please lets talk about porrn."<br />
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Discuss WHY it will never ever be better than her....How she's the one you dream of....<br />
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Your ashamed and shutting down.... you likely both want the exact same thing.... to be closer emotionally and physically but are having problems getting there.<br />
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Talk, talk talk..... women need it so much more than men. Find ways to show her that you love her every day and just keep open and honest about what you do....why you do it...negotiate it's existance or give it up completely. Don't promise what you can't follow through with 100%. Women smell lies from miles away.<br />
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Hug her lots.... hug her just because... hug her withOUT intent for more.... talk talk talk.... and if it's really bad you need to find a counselor to help her get past this. Do it for the sake of your kids. Best wishes... good luck

I don't get too hung up about **** per se, but dammit if you were mine you'd get a kick up the rear, because those websites are full of viruses. Have you any idea what viewing those sites can do to your computer? Buy magazines instead if you MUST. Can't catch anything from those.

You gotta talk with her about it. Find out what she is really thinking and re-assure her that she is the only one that 'does it' for you. After a while my wife actually watched a few with me and we talked about what was going on in it, what we liked, disliked, etc. Now its a big mood starter for us.