Answering The Call.

Last Saturday, my girlfriend and I walked to the liquor store 3 blocks away from her families house. It was her cousins birthday and we could have never anticipated what would have occurred that night. As we walked in, a guy quickly followed. He approached her and said some flirtatious remarks. Like any good girlfriend would, she denied his proposals and eventually became very cold to him. He continued to converse with me leading up to his request for a couple dollars. I denied politely until eventually getting irritated and also gave him the cold shoulder. As we were making our purchase, I could see out of the store window where I spotted him talking to three guys who also began to observe us very suspiciously. After buying a case of beer to take back to the family party, we noticed these three guys getting closer and closer to as we grew closer to returning to our destination. My girlfriend whispered to me that these guys were following us.

She began to walk faster in attempt to get away and I began to trail behind her in response to my instincts to protect her. I have trained most of my adulthood as a boxer and liked my odds in any fight outnumbered or not. Right as I was about to turn around and face the situation, a kid ran out in front of her and pulled a gun to her head. He violently interrogated her and multiple times asked if she was ready to die. I pulled her back a couple steps and stepped between her and the shooter. I shielded her, told her I loved her, and told her to listen to the shooters demands of getting on the ground and handing over her purse. He continued to put the gun to my head as he pulled out my wallet. He ordered us not to follow him and the two others as they began to run on foot. They ran into the back alley and sadly made a clean get away for a total of ten dollars in cash and a case of beer.

Everyday, I wake up in the morning asking why it couldn't have just been me walking alone to the store. Or why I didn't think about driving instead of walking. Or if we had started running if we would have made it without such a traumatic experience. She has told me that she has never loved anyone so much after and that I answered the call more than she could ever ask for. I have proven that I would take a bullet for her. These are things I should feel proud of. However, if this is true, why do I still feel so guilty. I hate the fact that she had to go through such a situation that would question her to feel safe so close to her families home. I hate the fact that I can do nothing to fix this situation.

I have looked to the bright side of the situation that we walked away with our lives, her love, all of our money minus ten dollars, and her families utmost respect. However, it still feels as if I haven't done enough. I can feel my energy all going to being angry. My friend recently told me that it takes a real man to learn to forgive what happened. I am starting to find peace again but I am finding myself in constant conflict. I am twenty three years old and have always dealt with confronting these things head on in a physical manner. However, this is something that you will never get the chance to confront and walk away with balance. I don't find myself scared of walking at night or dying being held randomly at gunpoint. I just always feel angry, cheated, and guilty.

I saw her the first time this weekend since the event and I can feel myself acting less of myself with her. Does anyone have any advice for dealing with this emotionally so that I can move on fully and focus my energy on the things I once did and appreciating/ loving her?
winger014 winger014
Jan 22, 2013