I Got Into a Fight At Wal-mart

I was minding my own business at the magazine rack, reading about the PS3 launch in a gaming rag and all of a sudden, two kids headed for the game section bumped into me.  So under my breath I go "yeah, excuse you" to which they reply "you're excused!".


After hearing that, I calmly removed the demo disc from the Playstation magazine I was holding and threw it as hard as a could at the older kid's head.  Bullseye.  It hit him right in the back of the neck, leaving a big red welt.  I only had a moment to bask in the glow of my successful retailation though as they were now both headed directly at me, like sharks...  dead eyes and nothing but ill-will in their intent.  I braced myself, and then they were on me.


As the first kid swung at my face, I grabbed his arm and used his momentum against him, then held on to his fist and guided it towards his friend's face.  (Yes I own the Chuck Norris self-defense DVD series)  Although I missed with that one, I was able to keep a firm grip on kid #1 and then tossed him through a  pyramid of Crispix cereal and into the software section.  Then I turned my attention to kid #2.


He was ready for me, having used my momentary distraction to pick up a weedwhacker from a display nearby.  It was off, but still made quite a formidable weapon in this battle to the death (or until we got kicked out).  Thinking quickly, I spotted a 5lb bag of mulch out of the corner of my eye and dove for it...   At just that moment I felt the full weight of the weedwhacker come crashing down onto my back.  Even though I was able to roll away from the blow, it hurt and I knew I needed to end this quickly.


Ripping open the bag of mulch, I turned to face my teenaged attacker and cooly looked him in the eye and muttered "Now it's MY turn PUNK" - then threw a handful of dirt and bark into his face, blinding him temporarily.  He screamed and dropped the weedwhacker, grabbed his face and yelled "I can't see!!! I caaaannn't SEEEE!"


Jumping up and looking for kid #1, I instead spotted a Wal-Mart employee walking up the aisle, busily studying a clipboard as she walked.  She got closer to us and kid #2 stopped screaming just as kid #1 emerged from the side aisle he was tossed into earlier.  We all stood and watched as the store employee continued to walk by... ignoring us completely. 


When she was about ten feet past us, kid#2 spoke up.


"Um... excuse me." 


She paused and turned around, pushing her glasses down on her nose and said "Yyyyessss?"


kid #2: "Can I get a price check on this weedwhacker?"


She continued to stare at all three of us, the giant pile of crispix all over the floor and other items knocked loose from store shelves, not to mention the mulch covering kid #2  After a long, thoughtful pause she turned around and walked away as she answered.


"Bar code scanner is in aisle 26"


kid #2 began to trundle off toward aisle 26 as kid #1 followed him.  I marked my territory by pointing at them threateningly and saying really loud "Next time punks!! NEXT time!!  Awww yeah!"


Then they threw a Bratz doll at me and I decided to leave because it was after 11am and McDonalds was serving the McRib by that time.  McRibs are awesome!

An4h0ny An4h0ny
36-40, M
5 Responses Nov 16, 2006

Oh Gosh! I LOVE mCrIBS!!!!!!! Here in Ga Mcdonalds only has Mcribs certain time of the yr... I cant wait for it! MMMMMMM!

they started it. :|

HAHHAHAHAHA

I get into a lot of fights at WalMart. I think it's b/c I have a bad attitude. :)

I supervise at a dept store similar to walmart and nothing that interesting ever happens there.<br />
Thanks for the great story and a good laugh.<br />
For the sake of watching that unfold, I wouldn't have even been mad about the mess lol :)