What I thought was an interesting eccentric man has turned out to be an absolute waste of time. In spite of this, although half of me thinks he is pathetic and not worth another second of my time, another part of me still wants to see him again. I must be a real self-loathing person.

I think I need to explain a little more about this situation however. Let me start by saying I know it is not right what I did, I don't know why I did this. Perhaps I was bored, found this crazy man mentioned above attractive and decided to rid my life of some of the boredom. I am already in a relationship. It is comfortable and we get along well but there are some issues, one being, I have not wanted to have sex for the past several months. The passion is GONE and has been for quite some time.

Now I have to go back several months, back to October last year. I met this crazy man while sitting at a cafe with my boyfriend and some other friends. He hung out with us and was acting a little nutty but I thought it was sweet and funny anyway. I was fascinated by his hair, I'd never seen anything like it - all I can say is he appeared to have antennae growing out of his head. He kept going on about being broken hearted. Despite his supposed broken heart, he was very flirty. He complimented me over and over. Of course he did so to the other female friend that was there too, but it didn't matter, I fell for it anyway. What a sucker I am. I had been thinking about him ever since, but of course did nothing about it. I didn't really see him again until a few weeks ago.

We "secretly" met at a cafe/bar. I was extremely nervous, worried and excited at the same time. My boyfriend thought I was out for a long walk and some window shopping. We had interesting conversation, some drinks and when he kissed me, I was on fire. But there was nothing more than that. He knew I had a boyfriend so he understood the situation was a little difficult. We met a second time later in the week and it was the same thing, some drinks, conversation, kissing, and when he asked that I come back to his place with him, I declined. Maybe next time! I was uneasy about it at that time. Both of these meetings went unsuspected, as I returned in time for dinner with my boyfriend and nothing seemed unusual.

The third time, I reluctantly agreed to meet him at his place. On seeing his old run-down apartment, I almost pitied him for living in such an utter dump. The floor was clean, as he had promised, but the walls were dirty from years of living there, and I wondered how he could cook on such a disgusting stovetop. The mirror in the bathroom was broken, the toilet didn't work and since the only functioning light bulb was in the living/bedroom, the bathroom was left completely dark. Since I refused to urinate in the dark, I gave him a couple Euros to buy a new lightbulb. The living room and bedroom were one in the same and it was somewhat bare but also in a disarray. There was a nice workbench against the wall where he apparently created his artworks, a small boom box on the floor, a single chair on one side, a large mattress on the other side and piles of clothes and belongings in another corner. Cloths with different patterns and colors served as curtains for each window.

I was initially quite uncomfortable when I first entered the place. I suppose I didn't expect it to be that bad. Not to mention the fact that he ******** completely naked as soon as we were inside. I had to ask him to get dressed. It was somewhat awkward, but given his sweet disposition at the time, he did so without objection. I had to start with a glass of wine in order to relax. In knowing that the whole sex thing was supposed to happen, I was feeling nervous and apprehensive. In the end, it didn't happen. I chickened out completely. Maybe it is good that I did. Instead, I drank way too much wine. When I went to meet my boyfriend for dinner, he could tell I had been drinking. When he asked where I had been, I told him it was some place I forgot the name of. He wasn't too thrilled about this but I don't think he suspected I was seeing anyone.

The last time I met with the crazy man was last night. I now have a feeling that this was indeed THE last time for me to see him. The evening ended up a complete disaster and I saw a side of him that was quite despicable.

To begin with, when I arrived at our meeting place by Tacheles, he was already very drunk. In the back of my mind, I did see this as a possible sign that I should not stay. However, I did anyway. He was of course very nice and affectionate with me, but he was angry about other things. He started complaining about my boyfriend. He knows him a little bit, and sees him around the area often. He was sick of seeing him, called him all sorts of names, and got all worked up about it. Again, that little voice in the back of my mind told me I should just leave right there and then, but of course, I didn't.

We sat at a long table against the back wall, facing the bar which was on the other side. I started drinking wine and he continued to get drunk with more beer. The plan was to go back to his place after having one drink there, however one drink turned into two, then three, and I don't really know anymore how many I ended up having. The drunker he got, the more affectionate he got, in fact sometimes he was rather forceful. In one way it turned me on but in another way, I was a little bit scared by it. He was practically tearing at my clothes, if I hadn't continued to stop him, I'm sure he would've went at it with me right then and there.

Before I knew it, it was already time for me to leave and meet my boyfriend for dinner but, unfortunately, I didn't leave. He begged me to just stay and come home with him and that I should tell my boyfriend I wanted to be with him instead. That this was "his problem" and not "ours". I was so intoxicated at the time, my reasoning had gone right out the window and I basically said "what the f***, ok I'll do it". I really wanted to be with this crazy man, at least for one night.

We left the bar and stumbled our way towards his place. Things were a bit of a blur to me after that point, but I do remember falling on my *** at some point and then he struggled to help me up, as he was having a hard enough time standing up himself. The right side of my backside was wet because it had rained earlier and the street was all wet.

When we were almost at his place, I stopped in my tracks, because walking towards us were none other than my boyfriend and a friend of his. Oh ****.

Again the rest of this is somewhat blurred, as I was pretty drunk myself. Crazy man became very agressive as he confronted my boyfriend and his friend. He said that I was his girlfriend and wanted to be with him instead. I don't remember exactly what I did or said. I didn't have the heart to go yet another step into immorality and dump my boyfriend right then and there to go sleep with this crazy man. There was simply no way I could do it, even when drunk.

There was some pushing and shoving and a bit of a scuffle. I think my boyfriend or his friend pulled me away from him. He started calling them derogatory names, mostly in German, things like "******", etc. At some point he grabbed either my arm or my sleeve very roughly and I turned around and slapped him. He went completely insane! He was yelling all these horrible things. "If you don't come with me now I don't ever want to see you again!" and then much worse, things like, "I just wanted to **** you anyway" (in German)... and that he hates Americans, he wants to kill all Americans... Vietnam Vietnam... etc .... he just went off on this crazed tangent and was yelling all these things not just to us but to everyone who passed by. I really couldn't believe it. I understood he was angry that I could not come with him, but this was way out of line and downright scary.

It ended on that bad bad note. He went inside I believe and I stood there sobbing like a drunken fool. My boyfriend and his friend took me home, and then of course, I had some explaining to do.

I do not know if I will ever hear from the crazy man again. Part of me thinks I might because he was so drunk and out of his mind that he didn't mean a lot of the things he said... but then again, who knows. I think he did try to call me just after this whole episode, but I didn't hear the phone at the time.

For some reason, my boyfriend does not want to split up with me, and I was sure that he would after finding out about this. I'm still trying to figure that one out. I keep repeating this entire afternoon and evening in my head and just can not focus on anything else. I hope that by writing this, it will free my mind from it a little bit.
cookies1970 cookies1970
36-40, F
3 Responses Apr 4, 2007

guess what. we actually got married in 2009.

Here's a piece of advice: Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself. sounds like that little voice in the back of your mind is right, listen to it.

Welcome to the community! You've been through an interesting little period. Hope writing this out helped-- I have a feeling it did.