I Got Out Finally


we were together for 4 yrs, we were gonna spend our lives together. when i met him he was my first serious bf so i think it was a "fools rush in thing." after maybe 6mos of being together, i found that i didnt like him. he was mean, depressed and selfish. and his mother! omg shes another story....
and yet i still stayed with him for yrs. ppl ask me why, i say its cause i did love him alot... and i felt sorry for him. he truely made my life miserable, him and his mother. i gained 60 pounds when we were together. i stopped wearing make-up, going out. but i was always optimistic, through it all. he hated me for that, he grew a deep resentment that i wasnt as miserable as him. i did everything for us, i cleaned, cooked and worked while he felt sorry for himself. our arguements got so bad after 2yrs that he picked fights with me over everything. i didnt want to fight anymore so i stopped responding. he hate this, he loved to argue. so he found new ways.
i wasnt allowed to sigh or roll my eyes if i did he acted like that was me yelling at him. i couldnt even sleep with my back to him.
but in his mind i was this huge *****. always he called me a *****, and i believed it. he always thought he did nothing wrong and i made him look like a monster. his mother and him also used religion against me, they were huge fanatics. through all this no one knew, i always had good words about him and his family.
finally i relize that i cant be with this man forever, it terrified me. i knew i was meant for much more, that there was life out there waitting for me. often when we fought he kicked me out, so this time i took the oppertunity to get my things out. i went to my moms she had a extra room for me. the next day he called me to pick up my things, and i told him i wasnt going back. it was so hard, he cried and he never cries. he told me i was right, that he was wrong for doing those things to me. i couldnt belive it, i thought he'd never see that it was abuseive. i just wanted to get off the phone with him so i said he'd talk later. it was a terrible day i cried n cried i felt so much guilt for leaving him. that night he called me but i missed the call. he left a msg crying saying he was looking at pics of us together. i forced myself not to call him call him back, it was painfull. so a couple days pass n he doesnt call me, he's waitting for me. i never call him back. i think he was shocked that i never called him and knew it was truely over. i was relieved over this, it made it much easier. i creid for 6mos ppl didnt understand why casue i left him. but it was pain, this was someone who was in my life for 4yrs. oh wow i failled to mention through all this the break-up i was so stressed out my hair fell out. through those 6mos i took time off work. i was going through the roughest time in my life. (my hair is a whole another story of hurt) but anyways after around 6mos i started to feel better. i started to go out got my beauty back inside and out, i felt alive again. since then i have never been happier in my life, everyday i wake up quite happy. even when im depressed, it doesnt matter cause my life is so much better then before! ive dated a couple guys since then, my first time in my life knowing what its like to date a amazing guy! the possiblities are endless, i hope this inspires someone out there man or lady! love urself, dont persue happiness cause if u persue it u'll never catch it! :) btw this felt amazing to get it out!
 

Cyndane Cyndane
26-30, F
2 Responses Mar 25, 2009

wow just wow,i am so happy for you, i know what it is trully like to have a huge minus like that in ur life. really happy for u.

ill never give up.<br />
theres way too much good out there! :)