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Trapped

Trying to get out of this relationship. Been married to this man for almost nine years and together for a year before that. It makes me sick in my heart..
When the times are good , they are really good. But when they are bad, it is enough to send me into major depression.
This man thinks that he is some package. I look at him sometimes and I think, "Really?" But i am still here, right? why?
This weekend was a really bad one for me. I tell myself its time to get out, i dont want to be here in ten more years, I cant believe i gave it this long. But here i am, and here it is ten years later....
I am going thru school and i am a junior in college and trying to get a degree so i can make something of myself when i leave him. I am scared that if i leave him now, then i may end up homeless, because i am a housewife and dont have a job. Lucklily though, i dont have children to bring into this mess....
wonderingkitten wonderingkitten 31-35, F 8 Responses Aug 9, 2010

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Hope you managed to get out of the soul-sucking horror of a relationship. If you haven't, please, make plans to protect yourself! Put away money, go to work so you have a job history and make sure you can support yourself if he ever discards you. Don't believe any lies about "how he'd never do that", "never have an affair", "never leave you", etc. They can tell you all of that one day and leave you the next.

I was with my husband for 11 years. Do not try to figure them out. Just know that most of the time it is all about them. You are just a vessel for their sickness. It will suck you dry. If you love yourself and your children then you will change what you can and accept the things that you cannot. You cannot help that person in anyway and they most likely will not get help. Life is too too short, and loving your self is the best way to free yourself from that person. Look past the reflection that they want you to see to the real person. You are much stronger than they are remember that.

By being passionate with what you study you will turn yourself around, come out of the shell that has protected you and kept you asleep for 9 years. Sure, you may hit the books more than you date when you start but it will keep you on track. Gaining that independence is among the first step that will make truly happy and open the door to relationships where you'll never feel trapped again.

Suzzy, it is almost crazy how things have worked for so long. I told him that i am going to start dating. I have moved out of the bedroom and i start school in just a few weeks. I have been going to school at a community college and will be transferring to a university soon. I just want to be in a relationship where i am in a relationship. It feels like i am single but married...

I'm sorry to hear. I hope things work out in the long run. *kisses*

Just a thought, but if I were you I'd try to stick it out until you have the degree AND a job, AND some money of your own in the bank. Better the devil you know than the devil you don't.

I can only imagine how tough this must be for you. Please keep the long-term vision and goals fresh in your mind and don't let anything get in your way of achieving them.<br />
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Best of luck -

Hi Kitten, Leaving a relationship can be very tricky. I usually let the other person leave me. I find if you love someone who doesn't love you back, they can't stand it and have to leave. Then your life comes together better. Lots of luck.