I Have To Be Mean To Make It Work?

I cant believe it! i have done some research on living with a narcissist. I have to be mean spirited, using and hurtful to live effectively with this man. Last night as i was doing research on the psychology behind narcissism, i found these theories. I put them to work. Barking at John I "bullied" him, put on my "i dont give a **** about you one way or another" look and did it. Part of me died when i did that.
I gave him meanspirited orders, "thanks for doing the dishes!" i spat. he looked at me and said, "okay, i am on it, sherry" anything i did say to him that way, he responded just like the articles said. My heart died inside a little.
I hate myself to do that to him. It feels so unloving. If i dont do it to him that way he abuses me verbally, psychologically, sexually and neglects me on a list of fronts. His favorite thing is leaving me alone, or ignoring me completely.
My God! Last night I went to my bedroom and cried. If i stay with this man, i have to be a ***** to make it work.
Everything i read was true. I have to be a bad person, manipulative and cunning to make our relationship work. That hurts me so deep, i cant even think about it without crying.
I dont want to do that to him! I feel my heart breaking in half in my chest as i think of the abuse i have to use to survive in this tornado of events to live with this man. I cant do that. If i dont, then i find myself hurting-i become the focus of his distain. If i treat him this way to survive, then a part of me hurts terribly.
This man is the man i love, or loved. I hate to be so nasty in life. That will kill me. I am already dying inside.
wonderingkitten wonderingkitten
31-35, F
4 Responses Aug 12, 2010

Don't fall to his level, don't be come "the *****" just to survive. I was there, it's not fun. I left in one cold swift act, but in the end it's what I had to do. Fly with the eagles, don't lay with the pigs.

I'm really feeling for you right now. I'm sorry that you have to live in a marriage that is unhealthy. I told you I LIVE IN A SEXLESS MARRIAGE. We are room mates. That sucks, but, i can't leave. So I just make the best of it. I do my work from home and i spend time on EP meeting some nice and some strange people. I hope that you find peace in your life. <br />
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Please don't become a "*****" that might be hard to get rid of later. Perhaps someone at school can help. Have you thought about a marriage councilor? OR IS THE MARRIAGE TOO DAMAGED? I wish you the best my friend.

Sadly,I believe enna is right.

Honey, sometimes love is just NOT enough. You are young and have the rest of your life ahead of you. If you have been reading up on Narcissism, you will know that it is not a condition that will get better . . . . <br />
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Hard as it is, I suggest you decide now to end the marriage. I hope you do not have children, because that will make the leaving even harder. Sad as it is to leave a marriage, your only chance of real happiness is to end this. In time you will get over it, and find a wonderful man with whom you can enjoy a real marriage and true love.<br />
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Remember! You only have ONE life . . . .