Peter Pan Or Con Man?

My boyfriend left me a few months ago, after exclusively dating for 8 months. It happened suddenly, and I was crushed. One week later, he moved to a different city and acted like I meant nothing to him. He said he enjoyed his time with me but couldn't commit. He is 40.

In the beginning of the relationship he was charming and sensitive. He was eager for me to meet his parents, and couldn't wait to meet mine. My friends and family said they genuinely liked him and liked that I was so happy when we were together. Besides the chemistry that we had together, I was attracted to the person that I came to know. We shared the same values, he seeemd sincere and caring, and he claimed he was ready to settle down. I will admit, when I first met him I thought, what is wrong with him? He seems normal, good-looking, but he is 40 and not married. But I didn't want to judge him without getting to know him.

After the breakup, through a trusted source, I learned that he has done this to other women and actually told his family from day 1 that our relationship was only temporary...he took these women to the same romantic locations, mirrored these women so well (almost like a chameleon), introduced them to his parents, and eventually ran away when the woman pressured for commitment. Looking back, he talked about himself a lot, and didn't seem to take a genuine interest in me--the cuddling, daily phone calls and romantic evenings fooled me. He looked younger than his age, cared about his appearance a lot, and only dated younger women. He changed addresses a lot before we had met, didn't want regular adult responsibilities and spoke negatively about his friends that were married with kids. Like those friends were losers because they settled for a traditional life instead of chasing their "dreams" and were living a boring routine life.

I am so hurt that he betrayed me and that I fell in love with a fake. He played my emotions and fooled the people closest to me. I feel sorry him, but at the same time want nothing good for him. He deserves to be alone in his life and one day some woman will screw him over big time. I've learned to go slower with relationships, even things like meeting the family and spending the holidays together. If it shakes up his agenda and he gets defensive or pushy, then it might be more obvious that his intentions are questionable. Trusting too soon = bad news. Even if you are comfortable with the pace and know what you want in a person, it pays to be mysterious for awhile.

Part of me thinks he is more of a Peter Pan that a pure Narcissist. Anyone's thoughts?
reeny417 reeny417
31-35, F
4 Responses Oct 1, 2011

Excellent post so accurate.

"Living with a narcissist is the loneliest screw you'll ever have. Once the initial false 'Image of a Man' disappears, you're left with a man that you do and do and do for, but who is never there for you in return. This is a man with a counterfeit heart; past his initial charm the man is an empty fake.

surroundedbyemptiness~You are so right: we fall in love with the ideal person, and that is what makes a break up so painful. Like you, I also questioned if there was something I did wrong. Like any relationship, people make mistakes and hopefully learn for the better. I've heard that narcissists can fool anybody, and might even be attracted to people that they perceive as being better than them (because they want to associate with only the best, as if their partner is a reflection of their perceived grandiosity). You might have even been a trophy girlfriend. We all make mistakes and can learn from every relationship that we have been in (don't listen to the people that blame you and certainly don't feel too accountable).<br />
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Narcissists are con men. They are good actors, because this is how they have coped all these years with the pain that they are struggling with. It's unfortunate that they end up hurting people in doing so.

We have a tendency to fall in love with the person we want them to be instead of the person they really are. I know that you are devastated, I am going through the same thing. The only differance is I keep asking myself if there was something wrong with my appearance or something I did wrong that caused this. I suffer in silence, because I was dumb enough to enter into an affair with this man. Good luck, may you soon find the right one for you. Please keep me in your thoughts, I am hurting to. But some might say I brought this on myself.