Freedom From The Narcissist

I was in a 6 year, on and off relationship with an abusive narcissist. Some people get off on that whole controlling ****. We broke up the first time because he put his hands on me. We were both living at my mother's house at that time and me, being so young and naive, didn’t know anything about narcissistic abusive people and continuously fell for all the lies and mind games, all the "baby, I’m sorry, I'mma get help, I want to change for us, for you" BS and would take his *** back. Second time, he put his hands on me again. We had our own place this time. He had been drinking and drugging again, and when I began to advise him to get help, he lashed out and attacked. I called the cops and he detoxed at a psych. hospital, writing me letters about how "different" and "changed" he was, little did I know it was all a game because I took him back and things were better for exactly two months, then he went back to drinking, drugging, and cheating. Instead of physical abuse, it turned into mental and emotional abuse: insulting me, passive aggressive disrespect, mind games, manipulation, always treating me like I had to earn his attention, time, romance, intimacy, sex, etc. He figured out a different way other than physically hitting me to control and manipulate me through the relationship. I This whole patterned continued not because I was too weak or couldn’t leave, there was once a time after one of the brief periods of this fake "perfect" version of him where he was the ideal boyfriend and then he would turn into Satan himself, I literally left him at his mother's house because I couldn’t take another incident of physical abuse or whatever else. I am so glad the narcissist dumped me out the blue because it has been a true learning experience and I have learned so much about myself and how a genuine, loving, and great guy like myself with a lot going for himself, should be treated in a real loving relationship.
Be careful of falling for people with baggage. This is why it’s best to date and take things slow before you have sex and start getting attached to someone. You don't know what kind of immature; mentally instability a person is suffering from, especially a narcissist who abuses people. They see people as objects to be used. They like being chased and feeling like someone wants them because it boosts their ego, so they'll do **** like dump you out the blue and tell you BS reasons or no reason at all, then want to come calling on your to see if you're still thinking about them after x amount of weeks or months. Don't fall for the bullshit and save yourselves some headache and heartache. Google the term: Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
I'm all for doing whatever it takes to make a relationship work because I'm a very committed, loyal guy but with my last relationship I learned some people out there do not know what love is or have some perverted idea of it like "you love me if you **** me stupid or buy me **** or put up with me disrespecting you"....I did the whole make-up to break up several times over a six year period with my last ex and every time we did break up, it was because of him and him punishing me because he doesn’t love himself, had/has drug/alcohol problems, has health problems and put my health at risk due to his cheating/lying, denying/not ready to address his mental/emotional problems due to being a narcissist. No amount of support or love from me or positive encouragement I could give ever made a difference because he hates himself, hiding behind his grandiose, all-perfect facade he tries to fool everyone into believing he is and continues to be self-destructive. I say, you can lead a horse to water but can't make them drink. People aren’t perfect and everyone has their burdens to bear but if someone is not willing or is in denial of their downward spiral, it’s a lost cause.
All I got to say is to use your intuition and always trust your gut. You deserve to be loved for who you are, not what you can give someone or do for someone. Everyone thinks they know what love is, but many have no clue. There are a lot of psychopaths out there trying to appear like their sane. All you are responsible for doing in this world is making sure you're happy, healthy, and whole and until you can be all three as a single person, any relationship you get into will be toxic and harmful.
philosopherkingd philosopherkingd
26-30, M
1 Response Jan 20, 2013

The freedom alone from just getting educated about the narcissist gave me more freedom than I can describe. Congratulations for getting out. I was raised by a narcissistic mother and did not realize until recently that I have been a magnet to this abuse b/c of my vulnerability/empathy. Thank God for the resources out there on this subject.