Being In Control

I am bipolar.  I am not medicated.  This is important to me because despite the extremes, despite the struggle, I love to FEEL.  And I cannot feel if I am on medications that repress my emotions and box me into that normal category.  But there are some mornings, like today, that are so hard for me.  My daughter came into my room asking for breakfast and all I wanted to do is curl up and go back to sleep.  But, instead, I got up.  I put together a bowl of cereal and a cup of milk for her, and I sat down in front of my computer, updating my blog, twitter, and facebook accounts.  I checked my emails, posted to a forum, and reached out to other people who I know struggle with the same thing.  Getting up every morning.  It may suck, but I control my disease, it does not control me.  I cannot control my emotions, just how I react to them, and how I use them.  Today will be a challenge.  I have to shower, do chores, run errands, and work a late shift.  I have to take care of my daughter, communicate with my husband, and manage my household.  All I want is to hide away and let the world go on without me.  But it is more important to live and be alive than it is to succumb to my disease.  Today's scrore: Me: 1 Bipolar: 0. 
knutmeg knutmeg
31-35, F
1 Response Jul 22, 2010

That's so great that you got up in spite of the depression. I'm glad that you are in control of your disease and not the other way around. This is so inspriring to me. Thanks for sharing. :-)