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I Was Raped By My Cousin

I was 13 and he was 18 and he was staying at our house one summer while visiting from New York. I was very vulnerable at the time, having just finished my first year in secondary school where I had been split up from my friends, bullied constantly and didn't exactly receive the greatest of grades. I had also been diagnosed with depression. I was completely alone as all of my friends had their "new" friends hence, in a way, I was innocently flattered by his attention. Up until this point I had never even kissed a boy let alone even contemplated having sex and felt very immature, which he preyed on telling me that I need to know about these things so I won't be bullied and left out at school.  He told me that he would show me how to kiss properly, so I wouldn't be scared and know what to say to boys. However after a few days he wanted more and began to try and touch me. I refused but one day my mother left us alone and he intimidated me into having sex.
We had sex several times always at his behest, when he was bored or felt that my parents could come back and catch us (which amused him immensely). I just felt so guilty and violated.

Here's where it gets a bit complicated my cousin had been diagnosed with what is called anti social personality disorder or sociopathy. My parents knew this and still him be alone with someone who was easy to manipulate.

After he left I felt sick and really upset and swore I wouldn't let him do it again. Then when I was 18 my parents and I went to stay at his brothers apartment who was away in Chile. I was completely shocked when I then discovered he was staying there too and even worse I was told I had to share a room with him. He made it explicitly clear that he wanted us to "pick up where we left off". I took my mum to one side and didn't tell her exactly but made it pretty bloody clear something was very wrong and how scared I was of him but she got irritated and told me to stay in the same room and told me I couldn't sleep on the couch because it was rude. Even when I tried to leave the room and sleep on the couch my father roared at me to go back into bed. This time my cousin pretty much forced me to have sex with him through the fear of telling my parents. I just relented as I was quite scared of my dad and him.

My cousin has recently been committed because of his condition and I recently heard my parents going on about how he was such a nice boy and so kind to me. I have kept this a secret all this time. What makes me angry is primarily that my parents had two chances to stop it happening but let me down. Wish I could tell them but I just can't as I'm now in my late twenties it seems pointless.
hironono10 hironono10 26-30 15 Responses Feb 11, 2011

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I agree, you should tell your parents you are so strong to deal with that...! They should know. :/ don't be fearful fear just holds you back and restrains you.

I think u should tell her so she would know an not feel to much pain about it but she might disagree with u but keep going on intill she her the whole story

Its never to late to disclose information. I'm very sorry you had to go through this at such a young age.

This guy is a complete sick *********! I almost got raped once, But I wasn't so EASILY MANIPULATED, I was walking to my cousins house and it was still 8:30 - 9:00pm, He grabbed me and was trying to you know what, I took control and kicked him in his "weak spot". TAKE CONTROL. DON'T SOOK ABOUT IT AND NOT TELL, OBVIOUSLY YOUR PARENTS THINK HE'S KIND TO YOU BECAUSE THEY DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU! It seems to me as if you ENJOYED IT LIKE EVERY OTHER RAPE STORY.

It's taken me a while to see this comment but I felt I should respond to it. You don't even know me and no I did not enjoyed being raped. You said that you're cousin almost raped you well mine did! I did not enjoy having someone cover my mouth, climb on top of me, rip off my clothes and force himself inside me over and over again. We're not all strong people you know. Some of us have weakness both mental and physical. Some of us are afraid of what people will do to us so you have no right to say that I enjoyed being raped. It has ruined my life and effected more than you can realise.

please do not get into guilt or condemn yourself in anyway. Tell yourself that you are loved accepted, clean pure and Holy in the eyes of the person Jesus Christ. His blood washes you clean and makes you a new creation. All your past is gone away. you are born again through accepting Jesus into your heart.
Sometime the past memory might come to hurt you, but tell yourself it is powerless to hurt you, since Christ has made you new again.

You should really tell your parents about this if you didn't already

na na na na. neo na na na na na<br />
sporin ni ni ni ni ni ni

I completely understand, my mother had a chance to help me but didn't wise up to what was going on. You should probably tell you parents or have therapy, I am working on telling my mother what happened to me as a child.

Even though it seems useless, they should know

I'm crying as I write this. I know how you feel. Not to be believed and fearing the very one who IS believed. ****. I was only ten when my older cousin raped me. (I'm a boy) I have never been able to have a normal relationship with anyone, male or female. I believe I'm the freak! **** I can't even have a rectal examination without embarrassing myself.<br />
I really want to kill him for ruining my life. He already "killed" me. I know where he lives and I obviously know his name. I know you wrote this 6 months ago, but if you happen to see this contact me. Maybe we can help each other

Fight dfight fight fight to your hardest and never loose hope you need to Pray to God and ask him to help you and ask him to forgive your sins. Show your parents this! Please!

Tell the f' ing police !

He is obviously a sick man find the power to forgive him, also telling your parents would only hurt then. gb

Life is unfair. <br />
<br />
The truth should come out.<br />
<br />
But dont put your life at risk.<br />
<br />
U and your life is all that matters.<br />
<br />
Wait for the opportunity in life when he would crippled [ i mean,, helpless ] and show the mean side of you.<br />
<br />
To hell with him. Break loose and make him feel like a loser.<br />
<br />
Time is the answer. But whatever happens u should fight to be content and fulfilled in life.

sweet!<br />
Sounds like you had a greeeaat time.

you ******.

jackass