Why Are They Here?

We dated for 1 year but I wasn't ready. I was getting ready for school on day and then I missed the bus so just like any other day i asked if he can come and get me and take me to school. He agreed. When he pulled up I went ouside and got in the car. I was already late for school that day. We were talking and he grabbed my hand to hold it. I felt something was not right but i didn't know what it would be. We were less than 5 mins away from my school. He made a quick turn into Ceder Hill Park. I asked him whats going on, and he told me that since I was already late then we could just go on a date. I told im no and that i had impotant things to do. he said justfor a few mins. At this time I was just okay i guess it wouldn't hurt to go swing or something for a little while. I didn't like my first block anyway. But he drove past the swings. I thought maybe he was going to another park in Ceder but we drove past the other 3. I asked where we was going and he just told me that it was a surprise. I was scared but I trusted him. So i sat there while he drove. Once we were there he got out of the car and opened my door. I supected hehad something romantic setup but that was not what it was. He grabbed me and pulled me out of the car. He picked me up and carried me way back. I was kicking and screaming but no one seemed to hear me. He tooked me way back and laid me on the ground nnext to a tree. I was crying and he wiped my tears away. He said that i shouldn't worry and that he would take it slow. i told him that I wasn't ready and that we should wait a little longer. He got mad and punched me in the face and pulled up my skirt. He wasn't gentle and it hurt like hell. I tried to fight him off but I couldnt. I started to hyperventalating and i blacked out. When i woke up I was just laying there and he was now where to be found. I looked at my phone it was only 8:24. i had time to get to school. I got up and simply fixed myself up and walked the rest of the way. i never told anyone, but my mama. Even then I waited to tell here 1 year later.
My stupid self still loves him. I don't know why. That man took what was precious to me. He came in me but lucky me i didn't get pregnat. i don't know why i still love him but i do. He just simply scared me. Scars just remind us where we have been, they don't dictate where we go. I don't want to love him. he hurt me and i now have the hardest time trusting my boyfriend now. He is differant and I know it. Bu why do I choose to love the one who hurt me the most.
Teyiah Teyiah
22-25, F
Jun 4, 2012