This Is Supposed to Be My Time.

I will call this a mistake based on what my intentions were.  I'm supposed to be on this new road to selfishness and being self serving because of my getting it from my children for years until I've had enough and in my new role I decided to cut ties with all of them which included not seeing my grandchildren again.  Well, I'd gotten these books for them back in March and I was holding onto to them until they returned from their temporary homes in June and I just kept forgetting to give them to the kids.  Well, I was cleaning up some things now that my son has joined job corps and I saw the books. I didn't want to get them involved with me again so I was going to put the book bag on their porch and be done with it. But, I didn't want to get out there and so I called and left a message telling the 12 year old to stop by and get them.  That was my mistake!  Although their mother has spit poison about me to them I am still Granma and they want to be around me.  The oldest one wants to come stay with me next weekend!  I cut ties with ALL of them!!!  This isn't what I wanted!!  It's starting all over again!  I am still paying for what my oldest daughter did to me. I don't want to even look at her let alone have her in and out of my house!  These children are the link and that's why I didn't want to have them coming back around like this.  I could just let my grandson stay to not hurt his feeling but then the other two will also want to stay and it'll just keep going and going.  I can't start over fresh with the same rocks on my back!!!  I will probably just have to disappoint my grandson and cancel the plans.  See, this is why I want to leave this area.  If I'm not here then I won't be bothered!  If I had the funds I would leave right now!!!
I just want to be left alone period.  No lying two faced children, no grandchildren.  I only have problems when others come around me.  I'm trying to change things and this being Granma isn't moving my plans forward. 
Comprehensive2 Comprehensive2
Aug 5, 2007