I Was Running Away From My Life!

In September I made the decision to leave this area and go to where I was unknown and I intended to leave everything behind and have no further contact with my hateful children which meant no contact with my grandchildren either.  I put in applications at several housing complexes and I said first come first served.  I waited for months and months and finally I focused on one area in particular and I began to loose much needed weight and to take better care of myself and I was determined to have a completly different life than the one I lived.  I existed for my ungrateful children.  This was going to be all about ME.  I "felt" a strong need to begin packing up my belongings and everytime I have had that feeling it means that I am moving and I thought that I was heading off in to white clouds and picket fences of solitude and being anonymous.  But as it turns out the events that went into play made it apparent that I was NOT meant to leave this area and walk away from my grandchildren.  I hadn't seen or spoken to them in 11 months because of their stupid drug addict mother and I didn't think that I would get to see them again so I was leaving.  This is the series of events.  First I was made to move into an apartment complex that I'd lived in before which was fine with me.  The manager was okay. Then she left and was replaced by another manager who turned out to be stealing from the company so she was replaced by another manager who just happened to have been in charge when I'd lived there 2005 to 2007.  It was his designation to "clean up" the complex which he began to do.  Consequently an apartment on the bottom floor became available.  I was having problems with loud music from this ignorant scrub next door.  That jerk was cranking that noise and waking me up at any time between 830pm and 200am and I was very stressed out and took it to the office.  I requested to move into the empty apartment on the bottom floor that was in another building and I would have been pretty much away from foot traffic.  The manager told me that I could have the apartment and I was to move into in the following month.  The boy next door cranked his noise up at 1030pm and woke me up again and so the next day I went in to file yet ANOTHER complaint and that's when the manager said he didn't know why I even came back to the complex cause it's not right for me.  He called the overall manager at a property owned by the same company and arranged for me to get into an apartment ina better location and environment and I submitted an application.  I decided if I wasn't approved for this new complex that I would follow through with my plans to leave the area but if I was approved then I would stay and I would go see my grandchildren and find a church home and do the things that I was gonna do in my NEW city.  I was approved.  Even more than that I needed to have the deposit and rent and that was cut in half coincidently and I went and applied for a loan and I said if I didn't get the loan that I would leave the area but I got the loan and once I paid the dues here I wasn't leaving.  Sure enough here I am.  I needed help moving some items downstairs and once again fate stepped in and I got two people to help me get my things loaded up.  After I got settled I took the plunge and I went to see my grandkids for the first time in almost a year.  I was concerned that they had been poisoned against me and would reject me but that was not the case.  I got hugs. They missed me.  My grand daughter was nervous and a bit afraid of being rejected because she had called me a liar and told me that I was crazy and not to ever talk to her again over some lies that her mother had told her.  I know that I wouldn't be able to see the boys if I didn't let what she said go and focus on being able to see them so I put my anger and disappointment against her aside and accepted her again.  As I was coming to the house here she is coming to the street!  Meant to happen.  The boys just happened to be at the neighbors house and I asked her to get them and they barreled out the door and almost knocked me over.  It's what I needed.  I was extremely relieved that I didn't have to even lay eyes on their mother!  I cannot set aside what she's done THIS time. I have no more forgiveness for her and I don't want to have anything to do with her ever again.  I want to rebuild my relationship with my grand kids and exclude her with her jealousy and malice.  She has always been envious of my standing with her children.  She tells them that I try and take them away from her which is absolutely stupid.  I simply love them and spend time with them and she does not cause her world is men and getting high and drunk.  I have accomplised the things that I'd intended to accomplish in my new city.  I am unknown in this new complex.  I have a new services that I could not get before.  I'm still losing weight and I am more or less having contact with my grand kids.  Now I want to find a church home that worships Him and not money.  I can't say that I am happy but I will say that I am content.  I have a freedom of mind and life that I hadn't taken appreciation for because I was too busy being supermom no matter what.  I needed a lot more selfishness and now I have it like a blanket. Not where my grandkids are concerned though.  Just my ridiculous children.

Comprehensive2 Comprehensive2
1 Response Feb 11, 2009

Glad that everything that could have kept you from moving didn't stop you. Noisy, inconsiderate neighbors and foot traffic, I can relate ... my block is mostly younger university students while I'm nearing 50 like you are. For the most part their considerate, but every once in a while, and at spring break, I have to let them go. I'm at the cool end of the building on the top floor, so I can't complain. <br />
Eleven months would have been a taxing wait to see the grandchildren you love, hopefully you can forgive their mother eventually. Tough to do, but we all have to nurture our family connections, and living with hate leads to no-wheresville, and will eat you up. I know her shortcomings are the problem, but you can't live her life for her. <br />
Sounds like you're rebuilding your comfort level in your new home and neighborhood, it must have been something pretty bad for you to have decided to take no more from the mother (none of my business), and I know you'll never hold her actions against your grandchildren. I hope things stay on the positive side for you, and hope you enjoy Valentine's Day ... hang in there :) ...