Thank God People Can Change!!

I'm a 45 yr old single mother of two amazing boys, ages 13 and 11. Their entire life they have watched me deal poorly with depression, they don't completely understand it but my older one does know what I suffer from, my younger one doesn't yet because he is a young 11 year old. since I don't think he would understand it, I still use the convienent lie to him, that Mommy has a migraine (which I also do suffer from) and he too has them so it makes sense to him if he sees me crying or sad.

For those of you who have read some of my stories no one would wonder why I was depressed. But until recently, despite how bad the depression was and is, i started using it as an excuse to stop living. That really happened after i was raped.

Like many people I had a less then perfect childhood, I was sexually abused by 2 family members for 15 years. Apparently it actually started at the age of 3 (which obviously I dont remember) but when I confronted my abusers at the age of 34, one of my siblings confessed that they knew what was happening because they accidently went into my room when i was three, without knocking first, and witnessed what has happening.

Well that whole story is a LONG one( but not really the point of this story, it will just put my new behaviour in context). I started seeing a shrink at the age of 24 and it took him 2 years to convince me that i really should be medication. Like many ppl. the thought of taking psychiatric drugs really scared me due to my own ignorance. Finally I gave in and to be honest I never really felt they made that much of a difference so one day, years later i stopped taking them. About a month later i tried killing myself so obviously i knew that like it or not i HAD to take the medication.

After finally getting the nerve to confront my abusers my mother ran to my apartment, my now ex husband was their. When i told her she burst into tears and admitted that she knew they were capable of that behaviour. Once we calmed down she said she was going to go back home and at least speak to my father, one of the abusers, i begged her not too stating that if she did, it would take him seconds to convince her that i was crazy and that he never touched me. She assured me, that he would not beable to pursade her mind, but i knew differently because he emotionally and mentally abused her since i could remember.

She left, 30 mins. later my father called screaming at me about what a sick, perverse liar i was and that i was dead to him. i never heard back from my mother. i cut off all ties with my parents for over 5 years, sadly i didnt realize that not even ONE of my siblings would contact me. 5 years later my mother called, shortly after my second son was born, she knew nothing of either of their births. i told her if she ever wanted to see me again that at the very least my father had to apologize to me infront of the family AND write a letter admitting to what he did. Well he wrote the letter and i settled for that, so we reconciled as best as we could. The letter was signed and wittnessed by his lawyer.

For years my mother would ask for that letter back saying the only reason he wrote it was because he thought i was suicidal (?). I NEVER gave it back and further more i had MANY photocopies of it AND put the original letter in a bank security box JUST incase my home went up in flames. That letter represented my sanilty, and would also be used if my father chose to write me out of the will.

FAST FORWARD; this last Dec 24, my mom was very sad so i changed my plans that i had with my kids and all 3 of us went to try and cheer her up in her home. My kids do not like going there, not because i have ever said anything about them, but simply because they never have fun their. My dad sits infront of his computer and wont let the tv be changed off of CNN, so my kids cant even watch their own programs. Well due to other circumstances, the entire family ended up  at my parents home that day.

Out of the blue, my mom came screaming into the tv room, where we all were and accused me of stealing over 30,000.00 worth of jewlery, i was shocked, i had NEVER taken anything from them AND this ugly accusation was said INFRONT of my boys. i looked at my kids, said nothing to my mother and told my boys we would be going home now. We left and in shock i speant most of the Dec 24 in tears.

IRONICALLY later that night my father said despite my stealing, i should not punish my kids by keeping them from the family holiday. I told him, which is true, that i was not going to go but if they wanted my-ex would take them, both boys very clearly without a blink said no.

Christmas came and went, since i had already bought them all there gifts i made sure that they would be on there front door by Dec 25. i received no ty's from ANYONE and NO ONE did anything for my kids. 

Days later after receiving terrible calls about how could i steal her jewlerry when they had given me EVERYTHING all my life, i finally told my mother not to call. i received another call from her, when i answered and she said it was her, i told her i was on the verge of a nervous breakdown and to leave me alone. She blurted out that she FOUND the jewlerry she stated i had stolen, and i guess she thought that all would be fine. I told her to call EVERY sibling and tell them that she had found her jewlerry that she had accused me of stealing. NOT one ever called me and apologized for not giving me the benefit of the doubt which ironically i had done for them ALL my life.

Well needless to say after that event i still had not returned home but we were at least talking again and in time i knew i would get over it (AS I ALWAYS DID) and would start visiting them again.

6 days ago, on our regular phonecall she again, even though i had not been back to the house since the 24th, she AGAIN accused me of stealing from her, lying all the time, purposely keeping my kids from her and on and on .... well this time i just let her rant and i said nothing. When she finished she asked me what i had to say, i told her i had nothing to say except that she just lost one of her kids and2 of her grandchildren for GOOD. She replied that she knew i would say that as i had ALWAYS threatened them with not seeing their grandchildren ALL the time, ironically that was the only time i said it and sadly i MEANT it.

I      CLUED     IN     depression or not, it was my family that continually beat me down. I called my phone service and told them i needed an unlisted # immediately, which they got for me within 24 hours. AS soon as i knew there was NO way for them to contact me via phone i became the person i had always dreamed of, I started going out and seeing friends again, i played outdoors with my boys, I started a spring garden, took care of my finacial situation, answered the phone HAPPILY knowing that they couldnt get to me and ALL of my friends could not believe the INSTANT change, either could I. I started dressing everyday again,  putting make up on again and started cleaning my home again. My boys and my ex were shocked!!

I spoke to my ex and told him what happened and what i did, he finally stated that he was so damn proud of me he couldn't believe it. I warned him that eventually they will call him, begging for my number, his response was *GOOD, now i can say to them what i have ALWAYS wanted to say, YOU'RE ****** AND YOU DON'T DESERVE TRISH OR OUR KIDS* at that point he stated he would slam the phone down.

KNOWING my parents, once they realize that i meant what i said, i KNOW they will take me to court to get grandparent visitation rights. WELL i spoke to a VERY prominent lawyer and explained the situation. He said he would take it on pro-bono, and with the letter that i never gave them back they would never get rights to my kids AND if they wrote me out of the will, the same letter would FORCE the court to ensure that i received at the min. equal amounts as my siblings or if i wanted more, due to what they put me through i could infact sue for a hell of a lot more!!

My lawyer is someone u might know, Mr. Eddie Greenspan, so i wish my parents luck!! My father has less then 6 months to live and honestly right now i dont even give a ****.

SOOOOOOOOOO, to ALL the people who have anytype of mental illness, dont let it take ur life, like i allowed it to do to me. I'm still clinically depressed BUT standing up for myself FINALLY has given me a new lease on life.

Now i know that i will still have hard days, ironically with Mother's Day coming up, i know that in my heart i would and will want to reach out to her BUT i have already put safe gaurds in place; 1. i have  my kids the entire day and 2, Three of my friends have said they will NOT leave me alone even for 1 min. of that day as they too believe the worse thing for me right now would be even the smallest set back, which would EASILY start with a simple call.

SO SADLY its over, i nolonger have parents, siblings or nephews or neices BUT that is their choice, there is NOTHING stopping them from emailing me. As for my neices and nephews i will always remember to send them a gift and a card on their birthdays and Christmas but that is it!! The rest of my family can go to hell and guess what? it feels GOOD!!

AlwaysRemembers AlwaysRemembers
41-45, F
3 Responses Apr 28, 2007

Thank you, it's a daily struggle but I am working hard at it!!

It's wonderfull to read that you have cleaned up the many years of carnage. You are an absolute inspiration! I only wish that you grow even more resilient and happier.

WOW - what an experience to have to go through. Seems like you have done well not only for yourself but for your kids also. Its hard to un-learn all the abuse and bad behaviour we learn growing up. I remember when my first wife pointed out the abusive behaviour in my family towards me. At first I could not understand it but in time I did through efforts of others. Not as extreme as yours, but there none-the-less. Understand why your x-husband is proud of you now.