I Don't Know Why I Bother Anymore

My parents have even more mental problems than I do. My mom fell out of love with my dad after having two kids, then stayed with him and had three more. I asked her why and she said she wanted to have a son to pass on the family's name and she wanted to pass on her good genetics. I'm assuming she means intelligence, but what the ****! Now all five of us are stuck seeing our parents fight and constantly oscillate between divorce and marriage. I've grown up never recieving praise or compliment from either of my parents. I was isolated whenever i was found doing something they perceived to be wrong (i.e. getting a b in a class) and it went beyond normal grounding. I would get in yelling matches with my dad and he would humiliate in front of my little brothers and sisters

"SEE HOW YOUR SISTER IS? I HOPE YOU NEVER GROW UP TO BE LIKE HER."

Why the **** do I bother? I remember being 12 and thinking "6 more years until I can leave, 6 more years" It was my mantra. I came so close to minor emancipation. And It was my mantra until I actually turned 18.

Now that I finally have freedom I don't want to leave. I'm scared to leave the kids. I've been a surrogate mother for them all this time... both of their real parents are too absorbed to pay any real attention to them, and I ended up doing most of the chores.

Phasmid Phasmid
18-21, F
2 Responses Aug 9, 2010

Thanks Junebug<br />
It's been hard but so many people have had it WAY worse than me. At least I was never physically abused and at least I have a family. My life experience made me who and I am I'm thankful for that. :)

I was touched by your story. It reminded me of my childhood. I did not have that many siblings, but, aside from that, I think I went through similiar experiences. My parents were mad, violent and full of hatred against me (I guess, because I was the child of another man - both my mom and my step father did never forget that - and they made sure, that I would never forget this as well!).<br />
Like you I just wanted to get away and to escape. However, I guess, this at least was easier for me to do, since I did not have to take care for any brothers and sisters any more. Only for my sister, but we left together and stayed together for a couple of years.<br />
I guess the main reason why I am writing to you is that I would like to encourage you not to give up. Trust me, I am talking out of experience, when telling you, that you have already managed to overcome the worst part. Do not give up. Move on. Think of how you can support your siblings, but make sure, that you don't forget to care for yourself as well.<br />
I wish you good luck. <br />
You are not alone.