And Am Stronger Because Of ThisStrength when you’re poor is this funny feeling you get when you feel like you need to keep as much money in your pockets as possible but your pockets have a bunch of holes in them and so all you can do is watch the money fall out without crying about it, and it’s tough. It really is.
I grew up always having to worry about money and the lack of money my family has. I don't have a dad, and so I guess since my mom never had anyone else to complain about financial problems to, it was always me that would listen about all the things we couldn't afford, and about her financial fears like "We could be homeless next month". "I don't know how I can pay for ___". I remember because of this throughout middle school I was SO worried about being homeless.
Then when I started high school we technically would have been homeless if it wasn't for my aunt to let us live in her small 1 bedroom apartment. My mom sleeps on the couch. I sleep right next to the couch on a twin bed in the middle of the living room. We've been living here for 6 years, and I am 19 now. Sometimes I wish I was born into a rich or at least middle-class family and I wonder how much easier my life would have been if I was. Other times though, while I will never wish for someone to have to grow up the way I did, I can't shake the feeling that I am a much stronger person then I would have been because of the struggles I had to go through.
When my family moved to this 1 bedroom apartment I was deeply depressed. There wasn't any room for any extra possessions so all of the things I owned had to be either given away or thrown away. I thought I could never get out of the depression I had unless my family got more money to move out. That I could never get out of depression without a room. Without a phone. Without all these materialistic things my friends had that I couldn't afford. I thought that I could never be happy till my family moved but then guess what? My family never moved. I just kept getting older, living in the same damn place. With the same few possessions and low level of privacy and everything. For 6 years we have been living here and we are not moving anytime soon. But I learned to be happy. I am not depressed anymore. I decided that I can't wait forever for things to change a certain way in order to be happy, sometimes in life you have a choice to either wait for the impossible to change, or make a change within yourself.
Now that I've learned to be happy living here even though we are in the same exact financial situation, we are still poor, I feel like I can accomplish anything. I feel invincible.
sparkella 18-21, F 7 Responses 2 Feb 8, 2013