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Stupid

She always had a belittling statement for whatever my sisters or I did or said. We wore makeup? We were stupid, and stupid hookers at that. We were stupid for thinking we were pretty, she'd say. My sister wanted to go to college and be an engineer. Well, she was stupid and that was for boys, mom said. It seemed like anything we tried or considered doing was stupid. I don't think there was a single thing we could have told her that wouldn't result in her yelling and calling us names. She even screamed over us while we were sick, puking our guts out or whatever. Stupid because we couldn't get up off our ***** and go to school. I didn't talk to her for years, growing up. I wore baggy clothes to hide myself, didn't plan to go to college, didn't date for the longest time (after all, according to her I was too disgusting and no guy would want me around). I hated her.

These days, I get it. I get what her problem is. I still hate her, but it's for other things, like her passivity when it comes to her husband. I feel more sorry for her, and her words don't effect me so much anymore. All I see now is a woman lashing out because she can't deal with the way she's being treated. She's weak. Fine. I get that. Still, I don't put up with it anymore. The last time she got on my case about being "stupid" I told her, "Don't talk to me like that. I don't need or want to hear it, especially from you of all people." Had I said that when I was a kid, she would have hit me. She didn't say anything after I said that. I'm not a kid, and I do hit back these days. Even if I feel sorry for someone, I'm not going to just sit there and take the abuse anymore. I learned enough from her what being passive does to a person.
Sinaname Sinaname 26-30 Jul 4, 2012

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