This Is For Someone Else, Help?

The guy I love, he's just a friend so far, but I'm working on it, is emotionally abused by his mother. She tells him he's worthless at times to the point where he's tried sleeping outside just to get away from her. He would never call it abuse (ego, I seriously don't get it, but in a way I try to...) but it is. He's a sweetheart and I don't know how anyone could treat him the way she does. She's never hit him as far as I know, (because if I knew she had, she wouldn't be a problem anymore...) But the thing is, when I try to convince him that it's not true, he doesn't believe me. Not only is she SAYING this, she's making him believe it! He thinks he was a mistake, but he's as far from it as you can get.
He's the sweetest man in the world, but how can I get him to see it?
Thanks in advance.
gothempathy gothempathy
22-25, F
4 Responses Jul 13, 2012

I'm not sure if you can get him to see the truth about his Mother - yet. He'll have to make that leap for himself. I was like that, my husband (then boyfriend) and best friend were able to see how awfully she treated me but I defended her, and it got us into arguments. However you can still help him. You can deliberately counteract every negative thing she says by alway telling him the truth of how you see him, as often as you can. It takes time but it sinks in and has an effect with repitition and sincerity behind it. Also you can try and get him away from her influence, into another environment as much as you can, that get him to spend time around other people who value and respect him.

I grew up with a verbally abusive mother. the only way to get passed it is to totally avoid her. the worst thing he can do is to try to reason and satisfy her. She will never be satisfied and he will always feel inadequate and always feel like a failure if hes constantly trying to please her. Right now he's living in fear. Her actions and words shape his attitude and his decisions in more ways than he realizes. He has to come to terms with the fact that She's not going to change. Her logic is whatever she feels is right. He needs to accept that and be able to stay away from her. If he can move out even better! The only thing you can do is to continue to show him love, encourage him, take care of him. Allow him into your family, let your mother encourage him. Bring to light specific examples of things he that makes him so great. Its a process. It will take time. But if he can handle it now he will be able to thrive when he gets older. He's lucky to have a good friend like you. Keep trying. Be well.

What a good friend you are thank you for being there for him. Get in touch with me I am working with many families regarding this very same behaviors God bless you dear.

i'm sorry to say but there's not much you can do except what your probably already doing... encouraging his dreams and making him feel worth it. i went through the same thing and my fiance` stuck around for years trying to make me see i was worth love and a happy life. i didn't start seeing it till i allowed myself to change my own mind. see my own worth!! God opened my eyes to what i could be no matter what anyone said. i still struggle from time to time but honestly, he's gotta learn to shoot down thoughts of inadequacy in his own mind before he can start undoing the damage that's been done. i hope this helps.

Thank you, very helpful. I just hope he can begin to see the halo I do...