I Let Go Of The HateIve never had a '' loving relationship '' with my mother. I grew up mainly with with my grandma because my mum did not want to take responsibly for me.
To her, i was a burden and not a joy, and to me, my childhood was something i survived, rather than experienced.
I think back to when i was young, and try to dig out a memory of me and my mum spending quality time together... but it simply never happened. The only times we would spend together would be when there was no other choice.. like taking me for a haircut, or school clothes.. and believe me, everyone one of those experiences was the same.. she would make it clear she was unhappy at having to spend time with me, and always became verbally abusive with me in public, reminding me that i was a burden to her and how she hated taking me anywhere.
I never liked spending time with her, and as the years pasted, my dislike for her turned to hate.. especially during my mid teens when i suffered severe depression.
It has taken me well over a decade to move on from that feeling, to a place in my mind where i can accept the past and not dwell upon it or look for payback.
She's all alone in her life now.. living her life in front of a tv and being hateful to people for no real reason, and from my perspective, it seems empty and sad... and ultimately that's the main reason i was able to let go of the anger, because i don't want to end up living the same life she has.
Im nothing like her, and i never want to be.
DiesSomnium 31-35 3 Responses 4 Oct 31, 2012