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You Never Changed

Ever since I was 9, my mother started abusing me both physically and emotionally. She compared my results to that of my friends/classmates, constantly telling me what a disappointment I was. Once, when I told her a lie, she chased my around the house with a knife, screaming that she was going to kill me, that I did not deserve to live. Those were some of the most traumatic moments of my life.

Ever since that day, I would be reminded of all her abuse just by looking at her or hearing her voice. I developed a phobia of loud noises and every time she walked past me or spoke to me, I had to resist the urge to crawl into a corner and hide.

Even now, when im 14, I still cannot get rid of the phobias. I have nightmares of the various abuse incidents that occurred. My father did nothing to stop it, sometimes he even joined in.

What hurt me the most was that after that, they would still say that they loved me. After cursing my existence, they said that they LOVED ME, that what they were doing was FOR MY OWN GOOD. Is practically strangling your daughter to death beneficial to her? I hope not. I felt like on that day, 9th May 2008, a part of me had died.

I tried to distance myself from them, I tried to appease them. I tried my best, but it was never enough for them. In the end, I gave up trying altogether and tried to focus on my own happiness, only for them to destroy each new source of happiness I found.

I gave them chances, I tried talking it out to them, my school counsellor talked to them. They never changed. I don't think they ever will.

In Singapore, most children are pressured by their parents to get good results and all that, but I think my parents have crossed the line...

Never, ever treat your child like a trophy to display. It kills them from the inside out, knowing that they are nothing more than tools to you. If you are also a victim of child abuse, I just want you to know that I will be there for you. I know how it feels.
EndlessRequiem EndlessRequiem 13-15, F Jan 29, 2013

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