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Why Me

I grew up the youngest of four children and the only girl. My parents divorced when i was small and i always felt out of place. My mother treated me different because i was a girl which i never understood because she kept having children til she had a girl. She had a rule for everything my mom. Everything had to be done exactly how she wanted when she wanted. I had absolutely no privacy what so ever and at every turn she put me down and i always thought why me. She thought all her boys hung the moon whats wrong with me. Nothing i did was good enough. She belittled me and made all the experiences that should have been wonderful and horrific. I have self esteem issues i have trusting and loves issues. What kills me is she doesnt think she did anythingbwrong even after all these years. It has drawn lines in my family my syblings and i dont talk my grama was the only one who understood and she died a few years ago so now i feel completely disconnected from my family and it makes me wonder what could i have done to change things and why me
alonekate alonekate 26-30 2 Responses Feb 11, 2013

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Dear alonekate,

Your experience sounds so similar to mine. Verbally abusive and controlling mother. She never seems to realize how damaging her words are. She protects and nurtures my brother through anything while everything I do is weird or wrong. My mother has always denied this. I could tell my grandma anything, and she passed away 5 years ago.

It takes immense strength, courage, and inner confidence to walk away from the people who hurt us. I hope that you can find the beauty inside yourself and embrace it. It sounds sappy or untrue, but if we try, we really can find all kinds of happiness and validation everywhere. Find what speaks to you and surround yourself with the right kind of people who will let you be you.

May the best day of your past be the worst day of your future. I'm rooting for you!

- OnyxOwl

Hi Kate,
It sounds like disconnecting from your family was a good idea. Try to remember that it wasn't you, it was her. You couldn't have done anything to change the situation, you were a child who deserved to be loved, protected, supported, and encouraged by your parents. You deserve a lot of credit for being able to figure out what is going on. At your age, I still believed that I was the problem and my whole life has been one big struggle. It is so hard to reach out when your own mother has tried to convinced you that you are worthless. But you are not worthless, you are precious and lovable and important. Never forget that!
Dorian