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Emotional Abuse and Neglect By My Mother

My life has been severely affected by how my mother treated me growing up. I'm 40 now, but to this day I still have problems that I can relate back to my childhood. I was subjected to emotional abuse in many different forms. I was often criticised, belittled, made fun of, denied proper clothes, denied food, terrorised, and just treated like an outcast in my own family. She consistently treated me differently from how she treated the others, always letting me know, often in subtle ways, that I was not wanted in the family. Sometimes she would even gang up my siblings against me and they would all make fun of me. She was capable of being a proper mother to the other kids but this was not extended to me. Towards me she was cold, disinterested, I cant even imagine my mother smile because she never smiled at me. I was never hugged by her or told that I was loved. Quite the opposite.

I was not the youngest or the oldest, I was the third girl in a family of 3 girls and 1 boy (the youngest). He was her favourite. She once told me she'd always wanted 2 girls and 2 boys, so I guess she's held that against me my whole life.

I was *always* fed last at the table, and always given the least amount of food. I would watch her at the dinner table serving the food, there was no particular order other than that I was always last. If there was cake, I was guaranteed to be given the smallest piece. Sometimes she'd pretend there were no more biscuits only for me to check the tin later and find out she'd been lying. One rule for them, and another rule for me. I was only worthy of being last, getting the least, or given nothing because she wanted to save the rest for tomorrow. I still have a problem with food to this day. I cannot keep cakes and biscuits and other treats in the house because I will keep eating it until it is gone, (even if it makes me feel sick). Despite the fact that I live alone and it would still be there tomorrow.

At birthdays it was always obvious that she did not give me as much, compared to how she spoilt the others. However, I was always grateful for what I did get, I did not complain. Christmas time, she would often buy my sisters identical things, but not give one to me. At a certain age (8?) I outgrew the second sister in height and so clothes were not 'passed down' to me and I'd outgrow mine. Once when I was 9 I had to get my father (who left all the childrearing to mum) to take me to buy some clothes as I had hardly anything to wear to school. I went to school without lunch because she stopped making it, but would secretly give my brother lunch money. I wanted to have long hair, but she'd drag me to the hairdressers to have it cut short. My sisters were allowed long hair. I wanted to share a bedroom with one of my sisters, but was always given a room alone, the one furtherest away from everybody else. I was once terrorised while she cornered me with a big black spider on the end of a broom, I screamed and cried out for my mother (as any young child would do in moment of fear), only to realise it was her that was actually *causing* this fear. I probably have many more examples that I've simply blocked out.

As a preteen and in my early teenage years I spent most of my time in my room. When I did venture out she'd pretend I wasn't there. I would walk in to the lounge where my mum and siblings were watching tv, laughing and chatting, but when she heard me coming she'd whisper something like "W is coming" and if I asked what's on tv, they were suddenly silent and stone faced, as if I was not there. Simply ignored. If she had lollies, she'd pretend that she didn't but at the same time crackle the lolly packet she had in her pocket and do a few "chews" to show me that she was lying and of course I was not getting any. In the end I simply just stayed in my room as I did not want to be subjected her meanness, and to being made to feel like an outcast in my own family.

I did not belong. I wasn't wanted. I wasn't worthy of the same treatment from her. And she used every opportunity to let me know that.

By the time I was 13 I was doing jobs after school just so that I could buy the necessities that my mother did not provide. I was too scared to ask her for things such as tampons and deodorant, so I just bought my own. I did not earn much but was able to buy some clothes, and my school lunch.

She would turn off the hot water when I was in the shower, with shampoo still in my hair I had to finish with cold water because she thought I'd been in there "too long". If there was no toilet paper she'd say there was no more and to use newspaper, only for a new roll to miraculously appear for the next user.

At a certain age I realised I did not have to put up with her anymore. I discovered boys. I had a feeling that this was "not allowed", but boys gave me the attention I craved. I was a straight A student (as were my older sisters). But I discovered alcohol can make you feel happy and forget about your horrible home life. I started hanging out with guys much older than me. I worked Friday nights after school in a convenience store, as well as Saturday mornings. Nobody missed me at home, I was not questioned. Once my dad found I was staying out LATE (after they'd gone to bed) if I'd been out with my sister, upon returning home I was the one who got beat, she got let off. There were times I'd sneak out of my bedroom window and climb back in cos I was afraid to get beat for 'going out'.

My mum didn't drive, and as I said my dad left the childrearing to mum. We were encouraged to hitch-hike if we wanted to go anywhere (this was in the early 80's) since we lived over half an hour out in the country. If we took the bus there was still a 20 mins walk from the end of the road in pitch blackness at night (no street lighting out there).

Anyway, I accidentally got pregnant at 15 because I knew I would not be allowed birth control. My sister had asked earlier and was plain refused, so I knew if she wasn't allowed, there was no way I'd be allowed either. I had a premature baby at 24 weeks pg, who died. This was a turning point in my life. A straight A student forced to leave school due to pregnancy at 15, how weird was that? Only to lose my baby and be left with nothing at all.

Due to my sense of loss, and feeling of hopelessness, I could not return to my old school (my mother had told them I had got pg and I was the talk of the school), I was too afraid to go back and there were no other schools in my area. To replace my incredible sense of loss, I had another baby (planned this time) at 17. Although parents had been reasonably supportive the first time around, this time they were not. I was almost always in my room with the baby when I was at home.  Each day I'd go out with my baby in the morning, and sit in my car with my baby in the backseat, reading library books in the park. In the evening I would return home. That was my daily routine.  At a certain stage when my baby was a few months old my mother had told my dad she no longer wanted me in the house. It was winter and my dad had prepared a barn for me to sleep in with my then 8 month old baby. He told me that he did not want to have to force me, but I had to go live in there "of my own free will", with my baby. I obediently did as he said and did not cause a fuss. I had to use the toilet and shower in the main house, but had to spend the daytime in that "shed". I cooked in that barn and used the hose outside to wash my dishes. It was not a proper sleepout. I remember seeing a big rat running along a ledge where the walls "met" the roof, there was a gap along there, since it had been a barn, but had not been converted properly into a liveable space, certainly not with an 8 month old baby. It was freezing cold in there but I tried to keep warm with many blankets.

Anyway, that is enough of my life story for now. Since I'd left school so young, I caught up my education by correspondence once my daughter started school. I then went on to study at university, while bringing up 2 kids alone. I was 31 when I got my university degree. I was living in poverty but somehow I managed.

There is a lot more to this story that I haven't told. Including how we all moved halfway around the world when I was 9 and how we all went back when I was 18. I did not last long in what was by then a country foreign to me (despite the fact I was born there) I couldn't speak the language properly and at age 19, with 2 kids under two I flew back halfway around the world to the country I called "home" I had no qualms about moving as far away as you can possibly go, from the rest of my so called 'family'. It's not as if they cared, I had no emotional connection with them, I did not feel any love or acceptance and was mostly ignored. It was an easy decision.

It meant I had to live in a trailer park for a while, and then on to substandard accomodation. But heck, anything was better than nothing.

So now to the present. I am 40 years old now and my kids left home already 5 years ago. I have been a single mother this whole time. I have had boyfriends, but of the ones that wanted to be with me, I was always mistreated. I never had a relationship longer than 1 year. I have never lived with a man. Due to my upbringing I cannot form healthy relationships due to my low confidence and self esteem. I have been poor for most of this time. I only started a proper job once I got my degree in my early 30's, I spent my 20's bringing up kids singlehandedly and gaining an education, I had been forced to leave school at 15 with no qualifications. It took me YEARS to catch up.

The problem now is that I cannot function very well at work or in my personal life. I have the brains but I cannot relate to people. I am very quiet and I isolate myself from everybody else. I always feel like the rest of the world is going to treat me the same as my mother did, and so I keep to myself and don't know how to socialise. I am scared to talk about myself as I don't feel worthy of anything. I still to this day automatically assume that everybody is going to dislike and eventually mistreat me, especially verbally and emotionally. I crave closeness and friendship, but I don't know how to create that. I cannot relate like a normal person. On the outside I look like I'm normal, I dress well (to make up for my own percieved inadequacies), and am physically quite attractive and been told I'm pretty. I look about 10 years younger than I actually am.

BUt my love life is non-existent. I have barely any friends. I can talk to guys but I cannot talk to or relate to women, even though I am a woman myself. I feel inadequate. Like they are going to see "the real me" and very soon they realise that I am not normal, not like everybody else.

So I've gone from job to job, I've had 3 jobs in the past few years, never stayed longer than 2 years. I was disliked in my first job, as I did not befriend anybody and kept almost completely to myself. I'm 100% certain they were glad to get rid of me. (my boss said in a meeting that he had some good news, the good news being that I was leaving). My second job I was accepted more and as I opened up a bit more to them they understood my situation as a single mum and knew that I had brains and was a good worker. But I had to leave that job due to severe depression I developed at that stage. I started to SI (self injure, harm myself on purpose) in order to numb the emotional pain. It was the first time in my life that I had been able to "process" the emotional abuse and neglect caused by my mother. I became suicidal and felt like the only solution was to kill myself. I was on medication and eventually got therapy but nothing ever really helped.

If you have read to the end, I thank you. I am not looking for sympathy, just want to be heard.

IndigoPeachblossom IndigoPeachblossom 36-40, F 113 Responses Mar 8, 2009

Your Response


wow you sound like me in a lot of ways except I never had kids. I'm 31 never been married haven't finished my degree cause I'm struggling with will currently. I think that's why I'm drawn to Marilyn Monroe. I cut my mother off and I don't miss her. Sometimes I feel angry but I know she has her own issues. I feel like she robbed me of the potential for a happy life where I can connect with people. Instead I fear and have a great mistrust of the world. I'm not sure I'll make it to 35 but I didn't think I'd live past 30 as I have a strong desire to die.

I was crying this afternoon, feeling so lonely and with no direction, till I search on google and found this. I do not have the answer to why these things have happened to us, but it is just so difficult to belong. I wish you and me and everybody feeling like this that one day we will find calm and happiness as it is. I think that even being adults we are children at heart and a little touch of affection sometimes leads us to the wrong direction, however I still believe that one day, we are going to be reciprocated without being dependable. Love you even when I do not know you. xxxx Diana.

I am so sorry for your pain! I pray that if you don't have a relationship with Jesus, he is the one relationship you can endure. She was and is sick! You are worthy and loved and though every minute of every day is a struggle to know that, I share your hardship with you. Please everyone do better by your children. Love is a gift and you are the gift.

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Your story which I came across by accident is so similar to my own and I suffer like you even though I am 46...(and like you I look ten years younger!) She constantly neglected me and I was made fun of at school because of the clothes I wore and I was never allowed to play out. She would strangle me by wrapping tea towels round my neck until I fainted and said if I ever told anyone that she would kill my little brother in front of me. Once when I knocked s plant over she gave me a choice of punishment. Either ***** naked and get boiling water poured on me, or get whipped with the dog lead or sit in the snow in the garden named. I chose the first. I was petrified of worms and she would put them in my bed or under my pillow. I too had a baby as a teenager but she forced me to have him adopted at birth. She ruined my whole life and even though I haven't seen her for 15 years I am still affected.

I was abused as a child and as well as an adult. I can relate to your story in so many ways and I have to say it brought me to tears. You are worth loving and I pray that God sends you the person that will help you understand and see that you do matter and none of that was your fault. My story is very long and I have often thought of writing a book, but like you used to be my education is non existing. I would love to hear back from you so that maybe we could help each other and hopefully many others along the way. If you are interested please email me at (mtpalmer I honestly hope to hear from you I'm no creep and am looking for nothing more than a friend and somebody who can understand what it is I have been threw. You will be in my prayers and I'm proud of you for making something of yourself despite your mishaps. I truly wish I had your strength. Sincerely, Michael Palmer

You are definitely a fighter! I know this sounds cliche, but I hope that you have God in your life! I had a similar experience in life and I have many problems from this, but God has heard my prayers and is always on my side even though I don't feel that I deserve his love at all! I receive little miracles from him on a daily basis! If you knew me, you would know that I don't spout off about Jesus nearly as much as I should. Please ask him to help you to stay calm and at peace no matter what life throws at you! You will feel it, I promise! God bless you and may you have peace and happiness for the rest of your days...

I like Your fighting spirit & wanted to let You know that what You are feeling is 'normal' after what You have been through. Yep Normal. There are so many survivors of abuse out there who carry the weight & sadness of neglect & the hurt of being let down. We are fighters, we hold our heads up high, we can help other survivors of abuse because we know their plight. We can help protect the innocent & we are no longer a frightened minority. You may even choose a profession or volunteer at a refuge for survivors of abuse. Many social workers are in this profession because they suffered abuse, You might find friendship working along side people who have had similar experiences & enjoy helping others who need Your help & experience. :)

I so understand your story and thank you for taking us through all of it. I would just like to continue chatting with you. In my eyes you are a hero. Just keep telling your story believe you are helping more people than you will ever know. I think sharing our experiences is a way of releasing old hurts and replacing then with empowerment.

Wow your story sounds just like my life....I hope your doing better. God Bless you.

I have been told by my counselor that I need to live in the present, but she is still doing it to me and I am over 40, I suffer from terrible mental issues because of her. I am finally able to explain to people what she does to me as I had forgotten so much until she kept bringing up a lie from the past she likes to revisit and mention it to me so that I know that her and my sisters gossip behind my back. I had to cut off most ties with them. I have kept in contact with my mother for my children but she is so mean. I forget she doesn't love me and want a mom so bad and then bam reality hits. I can't get better until she stops. I am so scared to tell her the truth about herself as she will be so angry and say things I don't think I can take. My life is lonely. I feel as if I have woken up with backwards terrible people one day and no Daddy that's when my life changed forever and I was abused. I want to scream. She is the bad one, she is the mean one, I can prove it now, finally after all these years. So I go to a therapist and she says stop living in the past..... I think I want her to go away, but she is my mom and I just wanted to be part of a family instead of an outcast that everyone looks at like they feel so sorry for me being the way that I am. Well my father's family is so much better they never look at me with pity and they have all had wonderful lives. They treat me like an equal not like a diseased dog like these child abusers do...

Thanks for sharing your story.
I have a similar story. The abuse was much more passive in my home. I'm a young woman of 29 and I'm just figuring out that I have to work much harder than the people around me because I didn't have the type of childhood that prepared me for life. The sad part is that your mom, and my mom who neglected me and treated me horribly are working from a cycle of abuse... My mom... It's like she doesn't know any better. I think I was forced to sleep much longer than I needed to as a child... She didn't want the kids around so she just put them in bed... I feel like I was probably left alone in my crib a lot as a baby.
Anyway, my friend making skills suck... I don't know how to let people get close to me... I feel like many of the jobs I've held people haven't liked me.
The beautiful part is that people want to love you, get to know who you are... I think we have to learn how to let them.
I know that what I need is for god to bring the healing etc. it's just hard to want that being that my parents call themselves Christians but are horrible and dysfunctional. Gods not really like that...
Anyway, I pray that you get the healing that you need... And that god helps you form relationships with the people around you.

Thank you for sharing your story with me. Ater my feelings of shock and anger, I was struck with the unusual degree of resiliency that you posses--truly a gift you are blessed with. Tonight my prayers to God will include you and your children. I will give thanks for you who have taught me that one's soul can be stronger than one's history. May God bless you and your children with healing and His grace.

I completely understand what your saying. my mom has also abused me but in a very different way then you. I understand what you mean that people will see that your not normal. I don't see like that. many friends that I've had don't care what happened to you, they pretend but you can see through it, so really I just stopped trying. I don't many friends anymore. they've all abandoned me now.
so i'm helping myself.
I cant really say that i'm over my problems but I realized I don't need other people to help me solve then. am I off topic? I don't know. Anyways my point is I get what your saying and if you think you have no one to talk to maybe you can talk to me.

I'm sorry you went through all that with your mum. I hope your emotional wounds can heal. Know that you are not worthless as your mother seemed to think you were. No way did you deserve that kind of treatment.<br />
<br />
How your mom excluded you from the family and singled you out for abuse is similar to the book "A Child Called It." The author Dave Pelzer was abused as you were, plus beaten. He was tortured in various ways, out of cruelty. After he was removed from the home one of his younger brothers took his place as the focus of abuse, discussed in the book "A Brother's Journey", by Richard Pelzer. There were five boys, David's story starting when there were three. With David and then with Richard, the mother was a normal mother to the other boys, made the rest of the family a normal family. They (abused boys) didn't deserve it (the abuse). At least you are not alone. But no child should be treated like that. It is very wrong.<br />
<br />
Dave Pelzer later rose above the abuse he had suffered. As an adult, he has a very positive attitude, able to live normal and happy, and forgave his mother; he is extraordinary and inspirational. He could be an inspiration to you.

I feel I am an emotionally abusive mother to my kids. first off I am bipolar and I am 300 lbs. I was severely neglected sexually abused and I was mistreated and ignored through all of it by my own parents. Now I find it hard to express love physically to my kids I don't hug them too much or show them too many positive emotions I mostly show anger ,frustration and disappointment and disinterest. I am not able to change that. I isolate myself from my family by staying in my room alone. I have an angry 300 lb 15 yr old son, a basket case 19 yr old daughter and finally I have a 9 yr old son who has failed to thrive and acts out for positive or negative attention. I am aware that I have created all this being distant and angry and unapproachable but I feel its too late now . I really don't know what to do and I am sure no one here can help, no one helped the girl close to suicide above did they now?
Please save your judgments though honestly I feel if a smoker admits to not knowing how to quit smoking and needed help they would get it but I am an emotional shutdown parent who is doing the same to her children as was done to her but all I will get from any of you is more judgment and disdain I know it.

Please don't let Your parents cruelty affect Your lives any more. That will mean they succeeded in keeping the chain of neglect going down 3 generations & possibly more. It sounds like Your Son is replacing love and affection with food & they have ingrained the fear of rejection deep into Your heart. Be strong, do not give them the sarisfaction of hurting You through Your Children & Grandchildren. Break Free

If it makes you feel any better that your not alone with such a horrible mother. My mother is the same. I hate her deeply. I wish I could tell people she's dead. I feel sorry for her sometimes but I gather myself. Whenever I felt sorry and went to her she started the same sh-t again and again. If you can try to be close to your children. They are your future. Your mom is your passed. It's working for me so far. It's just that whenever I think about it. It puts me in really bad mood. Iam a woman.

Please help me. I'm 14 and my step dad physically abused me from the age of 2yrs to 13yrs of age. My half sister is encouraged to physically, mentally and emotionally abuse me and my mum mentally and emotionally abuses me. No one knows and people who have known this have never helped me. Please. I'm close to suicide.

Are you still there and contemplating this? If so, please don't! Everything in this world is momentary and fleeting. Nothing is permanent. There is always a way out. That is not it. Nobody, nobody, nobody in this world deserves to be abused. No matter what! Please, for whatever it's worth me taking my time to create a login here just to stop you, please don't. I don't know you but I care about you from one human being to another. You are going throug this now, but trust and believe that "now will be then" and you'll be looking back glad its all over...and you will prosper. Stay positive and get the heck out of there! Now.

Hi I would be gathering evidence such as video tape or mobile phone video recorder & taking it to the police. It is extremely hard for the authorities to convict someone of rape without proof. This means You must not shower & don't wash off any evidence of the rape before going to hospital for tests & to the police. Your Step Father needs to be punished for violating You. There is something wrong with him mentally & this is never ever Your fault. You can speak to a School counsellor, Youth Worker at a Youth Centre or Social Worker at a Community Centre & Google Social Services & Government Welfare Services in Your area. These people are obliged to keep Your information private & can help You deal with getting him out of Your life. Xxx

I am very sorry for how you are treated by your family of origin. You probably would not be surprised to learn that there are others out here very much like you. You deserve happiness.

I'm struggling right now with the realization that not only did my Mother neglect me but the whole family. I raised my siblings with my Dad while she was still in the household and putting herself first. I realize now that my self harm and anger is at her but there is no safe way to release it. And I now know I will never get acknowledgement that she screwed up my life royally. So where do we go from here? Where do we draw the line in the sand to take back our lives? I know we each have our own paths but our upbringing fills us full of doubt as to whether or not its healthy for us or if this is the path that she has pushed us into. I just finished writing her a long hateful letter (that I won't send) and had a bath. I feel better now. Good enough to go searching for help and that is how I found you. Thanks for sharing. I'm sending you a big hug and encouragement to try, just a little every day. Maybe some day you will believe what people tell you. Or at least you will believe that others can understand you and the torment you are subjected to, every single day.

Thanks for your courage to be so open. I so relate to your social anxiety and feel tehexact same way. I am a 51 year old man, professional, and like you considered handsome but I also have 2 failed marriages; both left me for other men, so my self esteem is non existent. Sorry your life was so rough. Thank you for being so open. It wasn't fair to either of us.

Thank you for telling your story. I have been sad tonight, and your story is the only thing that really helped. Because you understand.
My mom had a split personality due to childhood abuse, and made my brother the favorite over me. Both parents were emotionally neglectful to me, and my mom was often bipolar and would be nice and then suddenly turn on me. She seemed to encourage my brother and dad to treat me like an outcast when she was in her mean half, and they would all have fun and ignore me.
Several parts of your story were familiar to me and the way things have been for me, especially:
-"In the end I simply just stayed in my room as I did not want to be subjected her meanness, and to being made to feel like an outcast in my own family."
-"The problem now is that I cannot function very well at work or in my personal life. I have the brains but I cannot relate to people. I am very quiet and I isolate myself from everybody else. I always feel like the rest of the world is going to treat me the same as my mother did, and so I keep to myself and don't know how to socialise. "
-"I can talk to guys but I cannot talk to or relate to women, even though I am a woman myself. I feel inadequate. Like they are going to see "the real me" and very soon they realise that I am not normal, not like everybody else."

Thanks for sharing. I can understand not trusting other people, especially women, after how your mom and family treated you. I have also felt this way, not wanting to talk to women as much as men and being very quiet in general.

Thank you for writing. I feel your pain. I identify with your pain. Thank you so much for sharing.

I just finished reading your story , I am so very sorry this happened to you .I also have had many of the same things happen to me as well ,my mom singled me out and loved my sister but not me , did not buy me clothes , I could only wear my moms old clothes . I got made fun of at times everyday at school , told I was ugly and fat , was not allowed to only have my hair cut short , I was either the devil to her or I did not exist along with physical abuse. one thing that did help me was my mom had to have breaks every 5 or 6 months from raising us and I had a great aunt who was very good to me . Had it not been for her I do not know if I would even be alive . I was forced to marry a man who was 24 and I was 17 . my mom wanted me out of her house I assume , I always tried to please my abusive mother . the man I married abused me so bad physically that I almost did not survive it . I had 3 children with him and for leaving him they were taken from me ( was living in texas) . I have been plauged with constant anxiety and secretly take vicoden to try to numb the pain to this day . I met a man 10 plus years ago he is nice but never speaks to me much , we have a wonderfull so who I am thankfull for everyday of my life . I am 43 now and except for my son I am the loneliest person . I do not know why I never contemplated suicide . I have spent my entire life trying to live a normal life and am obsessed with being a good person. is the only way I can know I am not like my mother . I have a few good friends but feel the low self esteem and social anxiety and do not feel worthy either . I just have to beleive that if I keep working on things that god will somehow bless me and make my life better . no other choice and I do not want to give up . I was touched by your letter and can really understand your pain . I was doing better me and my mom pretended that she was another person and those things never happened until recently when I would not do something she demanded I do . I lost my temper , felt anger like I have never felt and wanted to hurt her . I have finally broke off all ties with her and I have to live like she is dead to me . enjoy my child and am trying to break thru the past so the rest of my life can really count . I wish this for you as well as for myself . sorry so long here , I really understand your pain and I would definelty be your friend if I had met you . thier is nothing we can do to change what has allready happened in our lives but look towards a better future , god bless hope this helps

My dearest Zealandia,

My heart bleeds for you as your experience is exactly the same as mine. I am now 63 and have been punished all my life for not being born a boy. I suffered abuse in the extreme and can remember red marks on my little arms from such a young and tender age. I was always left out, served last and excluded. Basically I was invisible. My sister always had a bright white blouse for school and mine was dingy. I was not clean which is why I am obsessive now about personal cleanliness. My father would publicly humiliate me and degrade me in the streets from such a young age. When I remind my mother of this now she said I deserved it as I was an evil little bleeder and a problem from the day that I was born. My mother would load the guns for my father to punish me. I can never remember my sister being hit.. Never. I went missing from home as a little girl and was found wondering with my dolly's pram some way from home because my parents were not watching over me but concentrating only on my sister, their favourite. My sister is and always has been and always will be the golden girl even though she is a devious, cunning and manipulative liar. So that I would always be reminded of my place in life, my first name is my sister's second name. Imagine having two daughters with the same name which conveniently creates a lot of confusion. Due to this deliberate confusion and when i was out of sight living in toxic sub standard bedsit accommodation,just trying to keep my head above water, my sister and mother between them deprived me of what was rightfully mine which was a bungalow that a dear neighbour wanted me to have as she loved me greatly and would wait for me to come home from school and then from work when I left school. She knew that I was abused and excluded and was probably aware that my mother, father and sister would all gang up on me and ridicule me for my weight and say that I looked like a boy. My mother, even though I begged her not to, would take me to the hairdresser and demand the lady cut my hair in a crew cut. This had devastating effects on me, but when I reached puberty they could no longer make me look like a boy. Due to the horrendous abuse that I suffered I crashed from one trauma, tragedy and abusive/using relationship to another with men who just used me for my body or somewhere to shack up. I have been a battered wife twice but the brutality did not stop there. I have been bullied in the work place, at college, at university and in what I thought were friendships. More recently I was bullied by one manager in my landlord's office who would harass me over trivia and she orchestrated my eviction from my home when I was alone, unwell and without any legal representation. She was a high level narcissist just like my mother. In relationships I have attracted men who have treated me brutally, kicking me, punching me, slapping me and pulling my hair. I was used for a British passport and received brutal treatment in that. Health care professionals have abused me too and went on to breach confidentiality. I can only reach the conclusion that when your parents abuse you and betray you that everyone else does to. A Psychiatrist told me that I was sexually abused as a child but have buried this as it is too painful to deal with. In the last two years I was evicted from my home and then attacked just a few days later whilst working as a taxi driver and my attacker walked free from court. Even the magistrates abused me with their hostile attitude towards me. After I was evicted at the eleventh hour my 87 year old mother said that I could come and stay with her otherwise I would be living in a converted horse lorry. But my situation is now worse and I sleep in the same freezing cold room that I slept in as a child. I am deprived of heat and in constant trouble for dropping water on the floor or for this or for that. My mother constantly finds issues to make trouble over. Because I cannot give her the money that I used to give her due to the after effects of being attacked, she has given me two letters for the local council saying that she wants me out of her home but then the housing staff neglect and abandon me too. It is never ending and quite frankly I cannot wait to be released from this life of on going abuse and bullying. However, throughout all the existence, I have done a lot of work on myself and believe myself to be a worthy person who deserves love and respect. However, I feel damaged, unwanted, unloved and unlovable. My only hope is for peace and rest in the next life. I live in constant fear of ending up sleeping on the streets because my sister is always adding fuel to the fire which she constantly stokes and my mother believes in making me live in a climate of fear as it keeps me in line! My mother has put a knife to my throat, punched me in the kidneys, slammed her fists into my ears and when I had a terrible coughing and choking fit and could not catch my breath, I opened the top half of the front door and my mother slammed this with the cast iron lions head into my side. My doctors practice knows about this, because I reported what was going on in my life in a sixteen page report but nothing changed. My mother poisons the doctors against me. Even the Police know about the abuse but nothing changes. I converted to become Muslim and this seems to ligitimise my abuse. Even the Muslim Community have abandoned me and my mother's neighbours have now closed ranks and have cashed in on the fragility of my relationship with my mother and make complaints to the local council about excess rubbish knowing that this will create more havoc in my life and that this will create more abuse for me or drive me away from here. I am blamed for the excess rubbish. I get blamed for everything. Therefore abuse and abandonment is all I know. I suffer from depression and cannot hold down jobs and usually dont go back because of bullies in the work place. This is just the tip off the ice berg and so dear Zealandia you are not alone by any means. Look what you have achieved though - you have brought up children successfully. I could not even have children. It has been a life of loss for me and more loss and when I read about your childhood and your sadist of a mother, it was mirroring my own childhood. Some people should just not have children. God Bless You Zealandia and everyone else who has suffered the same neglect, abandonment and abuse. Personally I have not found health care professionals to be any good whatsoever and some of them are narcissists too. I trust myself, I trust God and I trust my animals which is enough for me. God Bless You All.

Your life story is the saddest story I have ever read. I just want to say to you that I am very very sorry for what you went thru and are still going thru. May God Bless you and if you need a friend you will always have a friend in me.

I'm very sorry...genuinely sorry . The only thing I can suggest to you is that your mother was obviously mentally disturbed and you sadly were the recipient of her insanity.. I don't know if you believe in God but I do and after reading your story, I ttruly believe no one could have survived what you have without Him and his unwavering love. May God continue to protect you and grant you the peace and love that all of Gods children deserve and you my dear are one of his most special ones.

God bless you!!!!! :)


I sympathize with your pain and wish you a better year. Furthermore, I identify with some of the abuse, neglect and abandonment you talk about.

May I suggest the most helpful resource I have ever found in my whole life. It's a free non-profit website put out by this retired 74 year old therapist which proposes some fairly different and cutting edge ideas which have begun healing in me that nothing else has helped.

This guy suggests that grown wounded children pass on a cycle of inherited psychological wounds (A normal fragmented personality, excessive shame and guilt, reality distortions, excessive fear, trust issues, and trouble bonding/empathizing) to their kids (Through neglect, abuse, and abandonment), and unawareness of this and the cycle leads to a continuation. This material has allowed me both to reawaken emotionally and experience anger, but also have more compassion for my family.

Best of luck to you and Goddess Bless.

Zealandia, I hear you and I understand your pain. I am sorry you went through all that. I have been through similar situations. It has been difficult but I refused to be stomped, hurt, and used. It is difficult but you and I are both worthy of having a happy and healthy life.

Oh my goodness, you suffered horrendous abuse. I'm tearing up, just digesting it all. You turned your life around and brought up your children with love, despite your experiences. Bravo xxx