He Left Me Before I Was Even Born

My father met my mother when he was stationed overseas during his time in the military. He dated my mother for 3 years before she got pregnant with me. When she was 4 months pregnant he told her he was married and had to go back to the states. The day he left he told her he loved her, promised to come back to see me, kissed her goodbye and was never seen again. I grow up with my mother, my aunts and my grandmother in a small town in eastern europe as the only mixed child in the county in the early 80s. Growing up was hard. I never trusted and man and in fact they made me nervous. My mother never dated again, never fell in love again and never trusted another man. She also grew up without a father. She wouldnt trust any man to be around me so she made me her whole world. And she was mine. I never asked about him or where he was or why I looked different then anybody else around. I never had to because she told me I looked different because I was the most special little girl in the world and that he wasn't around because he knew were fine without him and that he was the greatest man alive. She didn't want me to hate him for what he did to her and myself. I grew thinking my father was a superhero. But I didn't trust men yet I was eager for their attention. I wanted a man to love me. What lead to having a low self-esteem and letting men take advantage of me in my late teens and early twenties. I always felt like I was not worth enough for a man to love me. Many broken hearts and stupid decisions later I found out I had a half sister. And we started communicating. She was able to tell me a little bit about my heritage and our father since she grew up with him. She tried to make a connection between my father and I but her mother blocked it. To her I am living proof to his betray. Now 28 years after he left us that day at the airport he still ignores the fact I am alive. He won't talk to me. I am now married. I found a man I could trust and who loves me for me. I still sometimes find myself in disbelieve about his love but then try to shake it off. I try to break the pattern by having chosen a man who is willing to be a father to our children. I try to build the family I never had but we of the fatherless tribe love men differently.
VanessaBrownie83 VanessaBrownie83
1 Response May 17, 2012

I am really touched by your life story. My name is Eunice, and a Temple University student. If you will not mind, i will like to interview you for a project i am working on. It is about teen girls without fathers and how it affects their relationships and causes addiction. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon