Too Far

When I was less than a year old, my parents cheated on each other leading to a divorce by the time I was 1 (however it legally lasted till age 5). At first my mother had custody of my brother and I but she couldn't financially support us, so we went to live with our father. My mom had already been smoking marijuana and drinking quite a bit. She then became a ******** to make money and got into harder drugs like cocaine. She eventually got clean and wanted her kids back, but court stated I (age 3) would only be given to her for custody. She didn't like this. During a visit she decided in order to keep my brother and I, she would take us to Texas where my father could not get us. After that, court ordered her an unfit parent. She had a new husband soon after and got back into stripping. She was abused by my new step dad and though I was lying when I told her the boy down the street molested me. I was only 4. By the time I got home (California) from my moms in Tennessee, my dad was in a serious relationship. My mom got a divorce within a few months and married another man. She moved to Washington. My dad married his girlfriend when I was 7. She was awful to me. My mom had two baby boys and I love them dearly. However, I rarely saw my mom and half the time I was there she was high or drunk. I still thought she was perfect because I wanted a mom so bad. Years later (age 13) my dad and step mom divorced and my mom finally moved close to me and I got to know her. She was awful. She expects me to make her same mistakes, to be a teen mom, to fail in life.. She doesn't understand why I feel this way. She abandoned me as a child to go do drugs. She thinks growing and selling weed is a career. We rarely talk anymore, and when we do I can't help but cry know I will never know what it's like having that mother figure or a relationship with my mother. My dad and I aren't close either so sometimes I feel so alone. Like I have to do everything by myself.. I feel depressed because of my parents.
An Ep User An EP User
Jan 10, 2013