Fleeting

I thought twice about starting a group with the word 'grieve' in it because grief is such a profound word - and I do not want to compare what I describe here with the experiences of those who have lost love ones or even those who have suffered divorce/break-up. Yet there is something in me that grieves over all sorts of things. A few days ago I wrote about how I can't finish a good book - realizing that this was tied to a sense of grief because (being a very slow reader) I had made friends with the book, and didn't want to end that friendship. This is just one example of many. My pre-occupation with Autumn and the shedding of so much beauty - to decay into mud - is another. I grieve the passing of Summer; the end of long evenings. I grieve the end of certain freedoms that are curtailed by my son starting full-time school. I grieve getting to the end of a day and feeling that I have not used it as well as I could have. I suppose that I have a preoccupation with reflection rather than anticipation: I don't know how to look forwards. The odd thing is that I am actually a positive person (the opinion of others, not just me): I invest my time and energy with an underlying belief in our common future... I guess that I struggle more with a belief in my own personal future.
bornexplorer bornexplorer
36-40, M
Sep 5, 2012