Too Young

My name is Jessie and I'm 22 years old. I had a wonderful up bringing in a small town. When I was 12 i had just started middle school at a private school in my hometown. My mom got sick in December 2002. She was diagnosed with kidney cancer February 20th 2003. It was already very advanced. She died 12 days later on March first. My maternal grandmother had also been struggling with pancreatic cancer and died shortly after. She was my last living grandparent. I continued to go to school but when i wasn't in school i started sneaking out, lying to my dad, smoking, drinking, and doing drugs. My parents were 38 and 39 when i was born. They drank and smoked weed my, although i didn't know they smoked or that the amount of alcohol was a problem. I was depressed all of high school. Smoked weed everyday and drank several.times a week. I left right after i graduated for college. Continued my bad behavior for the last 3 years. Always picking guys that didn't respect me. My dad became sick with flu like.symptoms in June this year. He has always been stubborn and didn't go to the doctor. One morning at the end of July, my mothers best friend called and explained my dad had called 911 late the night before and he had been life fighted to a bigger Hospital because of the severity of his condition. On the 5 hour drive there i already knew what the ultimate out come would be. Upon arrival the doctor explained he was on a ventilator and had already coded 3 times and all his major organs were failing and i needed to decied wether to stop all life saving efforts and he would die in a few hours or to try dialysis. Even though i new he wouldn't want it i couldn't let go. After 3 days he did come off the ventilator but he was gone. I didn't speak to either of my parents before they died. After 5 days i had him transferred to the hospice unit. He died August 11th 2012. I have moved back home, had a job a week after he died but quit 2 months later because i got to high and drunk 5 mins before i had to leave for work. Something i have never done. I didnt call in parishly because i couldn't form a sentce but also i didn't want to lie or tell the truth. The bills are enormous. With everything I'm about 75000 in debt. I am severely depressed. Using more drugs and alcohol than ever. When I'm sober it hurts so bad i can't breath. I am too ashamed and angry to talk to God right now but i know i need help and the little friends i have left cant help. I need major advice.
jabauer jabauer
22-25, F
Nov 26, 2012