Grieving to Me Or Griping to Others

How do i write this story without feeling like i'm stepping over the line? Well i'll just put in a few points of what i mean by this experience. Square 1, good place to start an unwanted child, put into the system to grow up. Was a victim of the child wefare system, not a happy life but still coping with all the history connected to my extremely unhappy life. I think moving out on my own was the best thing i could do at 18 1/2 tho i was not ready for it, not even close, but i had nowhere else to go and i was a legal adult. It was a struggle, meeting people, making friends, or even to find Mr. Right Now, i think now at 42 he's here or seems like the closest candidate, but back then, was mission impossible. Well the reason for this 'Grievance" post is 4 words and my nightmare, not sure who is familiar with this organization but its name is " CHILD AND FAMILY SERVICES " a victim of them as a child, recieving no help from this organzation then or now and tho i'm 42 now they are still a thorn in my side and cause of my anxiety and depression today. Mainly i guess because they can be, these people sent me to a foster home in 1976 ( i was 11yrs old), i was an abused child before i got there, but it went from bad to worst after arriving here, sexual (within 1month of arriving) with the foster Dad, then came the emotional, physical and mental abuse within the 7 years of staying here, ( didn't press charges when i left just wanted to be FREE, and to finally enjoy living) Well it was a glorious dream, within 2yrs of living on my own i was pregnant, i wanted to be a mom but not a single one, the father of my first left when my first child was 5mnths old, because his life was to busy for us. I did my best to take care of her but C.F.S. were always breathing down my neck, if not stepping on my toes or waving their index finger at me, as always and still today. Well they are based on rumor and assumptions as i see it, and they don't have to help if they choose not to, no matter what the issue. I lost my 3 kids for 18 months (when i was 24/still a single mom) because of an abusive bf, not to them just on me. It took an understanding lawyer, 2 assessment, and 3 parenting classes to get them back. Then i met a wolf is sheeps clothing, where i eventually had my 4th child and his first child. Still unhappy with how things were not progressing, he left me and his child (in my care) by the time she was 2 1/2, his new girlfriend is GET THIS a 14 year old mere child. What 14 year old is ready to start a sexual relationship with a 35yr old man??? This was how it went regardless or how wrong, and how it stands today tho she's now 19. I have no idea if they are happy but he continually brags they are. Within his 3 wonderful years with his minor dreamgirl, he was also revolutionizing a plan to remove my little one out of my life, and of course being a working class, and not haivng the history i do, even tho he was my ex commonlaw for 11yrs, i guess my history would not fall on him tho he helped add to it. Anywyas unfortunately he suceeded in removing her, using my history and whatever else he could make up. After 3 lawyers, and closed doors in my face i have no support in all this other than my close friends, and my now present commonlaw of 4yrs. I saw 1 counsellor she was made aware of alot of what's going on, she said i wasn't crazy i just needed some " Hope and Support" i started seening another one and ended up with the flu for 3 weeks, then my anxiety issues moved back in where i spend all winter pretty much indoors. Getting nowhere with CFS because they HATE ME SO, and they have no problems pointing this out, and they wish i have no kids and they continue to back up this ridiculous lie that came from their office. If i could i'd share the last letter the CFS worker in charge of my (closed) case said, the horrible things he wrote back to me, just because i told him i don't like to be judged by someone whose never met me and wanted to know when my next supervised vists were happening because i'd been sick and was better to have a visit. I'll fill in anyone who wants to know what i left out. If you want fill-ins on left out hanging information, just ask, i'll be more than happy to close the gap of confusion, just giving everyone an idea tho as to what i'm going through. There's to much to post connected with all this. Anyways Take Care flowers and good numbers to one and all.
embrissa embrissa
41-45, F
1 Response May 5, 2007

what else happened?