My Estranged SonI also have a 29yr. old son who has estranged himself from me for 7 years and it still hurts like mad.
I am British, living in the US with my American husband. I was married before, to my son's father for 21 years. In all that time, he was abusive and lazy and into smoking pot every day if he could get it, more trouble if he couldn't, and only keeping a job for a few weeks, leaving me to work full time nights as a nurse, to bring in money for food and bills for us all. My son grew up very troubled and with a temper. He even ended up spending a year in prison after fighting and injuring another guy, just as his father had done before I met him. I spent every weekend driving to him for a visit, to keep his spirits up,, taking him money and other things that he was allowed to have, until he came home. The number of times my ex. threw him out of the house after yet another argument, I couldn't count how many, and the number of times my son told me to leave him. In the end, I met someone online, in a support group, but he was in the US,.and was also having marital problems. Neither of us was looking for anything but support, someone to talk to who could understand. We became good friends, talking every day, until one day my friend said he was flying to the UK to see me. It was wonderful and we were so good together, enjoyed each others company. He gave me the courage to leave my husband and get a divorce, he did the same . After he went back, he asked me to move. to the US to be with him, and we eventually got married, I have never been so happy, so loved and cared for. Since that day my son will have nothing to do with me. Periodically I try and send him a message via facebook because I don't know where he and his father live now, all I get back is that his mother dies years ago and then a mouthful of abuse, just like his father used to do. My son encouraged me to leave my ex but when I did, he turned against me. I know its probably because I moved out of the country but my husband even offered to sponser and pay for him to join us here, he refused, he was with his father and wouldn't leave him, which is ok too, but why estrange himself from me? He knows the pain he is putting me through and he doesn't care. How can I close my heart to him? God kniws I've tried but the pain is always there. Was I really such a bad mother? He was 22 yrs. when I left, old enough to cope with the divorce and accept it, but he doesn't want me to be happy clearly. How does everyone else in my position cope with the pain? Can problems like this ever get resolved and if so, how?
Its somehow good to know that there are others in my position although I wouldn't wish this pain on anyone else.