Hello - And So Glad Being HereSince my daughter decided to stop talking with me two years ago I have developed the near habit of crying when I drive.
It is the one place I feel able to just let down. Some days it is a great release, some days it feels like a beating. It is every
I had spent what I thought was one of the better week long visit with my daughter, her husband, and my grandchild. She seemed overburdened since she was working on an advanced degree. She seemed a little distant, unengaged, and preoccupied. As usual, I tried playing with my grandchild, bought a pool and some other fun things. We had a great time. I cleaned her house, did laundry, tried being useful and supportive.
The day I left, she became colder and my granddaughter, while playing on the phone, "imitated" her mom by "talking" to a friend saying how her mother was driving her crazy and she couldn't take it any longer. What is interesting is that they live a 24 hour drive away from me. She calls me with regularity through the day when I am not visiting. She called me when she had long 1.5 hour commute to class and I'd keep her company even though I could have easily done other things. I wanted to support her.
The day I flew out, I called at the two points where I usually did during the flight: at the transfer point and when I arrived home. She didn't take my call nor did she return it. No problem I thought. Several days later I finally reach her husband who tells me that she doesn't want to speak with me any longer. That our relationship has suffered tremendously for the last 10 years and she demanded her space...she'd be in touch within a week. WOW. I was blown away. I haven't heard from her since.
She has moved to a new state without giving me her address. Gifts (birthday, Christmas, etc) go unacknowledged that I send to my grandchild. It has been 2 years. TWO years. Without a reason. Without an excuse. Without fanfare. How incredibly self-centered I find this at this point in my life. Rejection. Gut level rejection with an ample serving of betrayal. Her father, pretty much cut out of the same cloth. Raised her on my own, no emotional or financial support. She and I did very well. Shortly after high school she started acting out, so this is not the first time I've been kicked in my soul...it is merely the longest time.
Thanks for listening. It is painful living through this. I appreciate being able to express myself here.