Cannot Live Like This Anymore.....

HAVE BEEN ESTRANGED FROM DAUGHTER , SON IN LAW FOR OVER A YEAR, I SPEAK WITH THE GRANDKIDS ONCE IN A WHILE, BUT THEY HAVE NOW POISENED THERE MINDS..... THEY HAVE ALSO SWAYED MY OTHER DAUGHTER AND SON IN LAW TO GO ON THERE SIDE AND NEVER TALK WITH ME .. I AM GOING TO BE A GRANDMA AGAIN , MIDDLE OF A DIVORCE AFTER 45 YEARS , MOVED TO ANOTHER STATE WITH THE MAN THAT I FELL IN LOVE WITH 15 YEARS AGO, AND TOLD MY KIDS THE TRUTH ... NOW I AM ALONE , ******** OF BEING A MOM AGAIN AND GRANDMOTHER ... ITS BEEN A VERY HARD YEAR, AS I WRITE THIS i AM NOT SPEAKING TO MY OTHER DAUGHTER WHO TOLD ME EVERYTIME I COME TO VISIT I ANNOY HER AND SHE CANNOT HAVE ME IN HER LIFE.
TKS FOR LISTENING .
I CANNOT EVEN BREATHE ANYMORE , SOMETHING HAS TO CHANGE.
An Ep User An EP User
6 Responses Jan 20, 2013

I honestly do not understand what is that you don't get from your kids behavior.
To me simple. You cheated on your husband/family and lie for 15 years. They naturally feel betrayed, I know I would. You can’t expect them to forgive you that easy.
If you can’t compute that simple fact, It means you can't understand the pain you gave them (it’s their dad after all right?) and so you're unable to ask for forgiveness etc.

I honestly do not understand what is that you don't get from your kids behavior.
To me simple. You cheated on your husband/family and lie for 15 years. They naturally feel betrayed, I know I would. You can’t expect them to forgive you that easy.
If you can’t compute that simple fact, It means you can't understand the pain you gave them (it’s their dad after all right?) and so you're unable to ask for forgiveness etc.

I really, really feel for you. If you can get hold of the book "Be an Outrageous Older Woman" by Ruth Harriet Jacobs, PhD - you will find so many GEMS relating to being estranged especially from our daughters. Beg, buy but don't steal (smiles) a copy - you will see everything in a new light esp Chapter 4. I am going through HELL myself and am leaning on the words in this chapter....God bless you!

I am experiencing a similar situation with my only daughter. I am alone and my brother died of cancer a year ago. We were very close and he was really the only family support I had. Both my parents died young. I also had a dear friend who I was dating die unexpectedly recently. It seems like my daughter kicks me when I'm down, but my counselor told me we cannot expect support from our children. I know that has been a thorn in my side...that she doesn't seem to care about me and now she won't speak to me at all, but at this point, I can only hope that time will heal some of this and when it does, I can't have many expectations from her.

I have been estranged from my only child, Dianna, for about 8 months now. I cannot describe the anger, hate , betrayal and rejection I feel. I was so filled with these negative things that it consumed me. I couldnt function in my daily life. With the estrangment along went my grandkids. So I have no contact with any of them.
I could not handle the anger and hate. I saw a phycologist, I talked to friends, I reasoned with myself, I did everything I could to get on with my life.
Finally, I had a call from my Pastor because I hadnt been in church for several weeks. After going to see him, I agreed to get Deliverence. This may sound scary, it may sound religious or fanatical, but it is the only thing that has helped me. I am a luke warm Christian. I dont know bible verses, I dont know how to pray, I dont know how to take authority over my life.
I will tell you what I do know. I know that in the Bible it says daughters and sons will turn against their Mothers and Fathers. I know that this is a spiritual warfare, and I know that the only peace I have felt since this began with my daughter has been since I began my Deliverence. Since I said the words outloud while I was being directed by my Pastor, I forgave my daughter, I didnt feel what I was saying, but I said them, I asked my daughter to forgive me and I didnt feel that either. I said those words and peace came over me. For the first time in 8 months I woke up Friday morning and I felt peace and uplifted.
I strongly encourage anyone in this situation to seek help from our Creator.
I recall one day when I was sitting here in my kitchen that I wanted to kill her for her betrayal, this child I had raised and went without for. I was a single Mom, I sacrificed my entire life for her. I realized as I sat here, how easy it would be to lose all sense of right and wrong and go over there and do just that. Hurt my daughter. I knew then I needed help & I knew where I had to go to get it.
The battle is not an earthly battle it is a spiritual battle.

I know your anger and hurt but I am not familiar with this in the bible. Where do you find it. I also appreciate that this is a spiritual battle. That sounds far better than two egos battling each other!

You want to hurt your daughter because as a mother you had to sacrifice for her? That's what mothers do. Maybe your are so wrapped up in how you feel that you don't realize what having those types of feelings must have done to your daughter.

Although my story is different, I feel the estrangement pain too. I'm sorry that you're feeling down! My estrangement is in it's 8th month... this time. I have only one child who I lived for for 30 years. This is our 4th, and in my opinion, our final estrangement. I swing emotionally from one extreme to the other. Anger and sadness I know to well. I cry a LOT. I have isolated myself from everyone except my dear husband, two cousins and a neighbor. I can't bear to think about the rejection of my son and the lack of understanding from old friends. The people in my life know my story. I don't have the desire or the necessary strength to explain it to anyone else. I'm lonely but I don't feel safe enough to leave my home anymore. You see one morning I was home alone when, to my surprise, the police showed up because my son called them saying that he was worried about me and that I have a gun. Yeah, I have a gun but it's for protection. I wasn't suicidal or homicidal but the police took me to the hospital for evaluation! Now that was humiliating to say the least. It was cold and down right mean for him to call the law on me for no good reason. He evidently told the officers that he was afraid to come down here alone. I never even knew he was here. I feel like he's a monster and I don't want him in my life anymore because he's unpredictable, in a bad way. This is the only thing I know to do to protect myself from him and from the world outside my walls.

I am estranged from my daughter. I believe I have done what I am able to to mend things, but I also know she has her own issues just as your son has his. I am only suggesting; but maybe if you understood this, you may be able to go on with your life. You have nothing to hide and unless there is a danger that he will harm you, you have as much right to go anywhere you wish and have as much happiness as the next person.