From The Perspective Of The ChildChildren are emotionally bonded to their parents. For the estrangement to have happened, something must have gone very very wrong.
In my case, I was subject to horrific abuse by my father. I still remember, on Sunday afternoons, he would kick his shoe hard at us until we become bruised and make a sport of it. Eating out at restaurants, would more often than not result in hard smacks and public humiliation for such perceived offenses as leaving crumbs on the table. Sexual taunts were rampant and largely repressed, even now.
Through it all, my mother stood by passively. The extent of her help was perhaps bargaining down the number of punches dished out by my father.
Now that I have my own family, and my father is deceased, my mother acts like everything is normal. I could never imagine doing the things to my children as what were done to me. My mother is incapable of dealing with what happened, much less take some responsibility and heal.
Should there be any suprise that there is estrangement? How can things ever be normal between us? Even if she felt powerless then, surely we deserve an apology. One must be prepared to look into the abyss if they want to heal.