Hash Brownies From Outer Space

This happened two years ago, but I still remember everything very vividly. I had just moved into an artist's community and was approaching everything with a naive level of curiosity. I was at a really transitional point in my life and though I hadn't done much experimenting with drugs, I was open to the idea. Everyone around me seemed to be high on something and it was no big deal. So when this weird new guy moved into the building and discretely baked some "special" brownies in the kitchen, I was intrigued. My friend Amanda took one and went back to her room. I made some silly comment to the cook about his brownies and he asked if I wanted one. "Oh sure, why not!" I said, and he handed me a really large one.

"That will make you forget things for a little while," he said, grinning as I bit into it. Then he left the kitchen and I was alone with a giant brownie.

I ate the whole thing. I figured it would be like the time I smoked weed - I would giggle a lot, have a sudden craving for Mexican food, write some mediocre songs, and fall asleep on top of a bag of chips. Of course, I was stupid and didn't do my research first, so I didn't know that drugs take about an hour to go into full effect when you eat them. I didn't really feel much different right after I ate it.

My friend Kate came into the room and asked how my night was going. I told her I ate a hash brownie but it felt like it wasn't doing anything yet. She laughed and told me it would kick in soon. She then sat down with the newspaper and read me my horoscope for the day. "Do not be afraid to fall down the rabbit hole, Alice," the horoscope read. Kate wrinkled up her nose and said, "Huh, that's a weird one."

"Yeah, that's sort of dumb," I replied. I then decided to go back to my room and listen to some music in the dark. I put on an old Emily Haines album and decided to eat a sandwich.

The sandwich was delicious but left me thirsty. I poured myself a glass of juice and it was the best juice I've ever had. I felt like I was going to have an ****** while drinking that juice. At this point, I decided that the room was too dark and that I should hang festive Christmas lights from the pipes on the ceiling. So I tiptoed across the back of my couch like a cat and strung Christmas lights everywhere while Emily Haines sang "Let's get wired, come on freak." I took off my shirt because I was hot. The lights were beautiful. The music was blowing my mind. And... I felt like I loved everyone.

I turned on my computer and began emailing random people to tell them that I thought they were "SO AWESOME." I then realized that I still loved my ex-boyfriend and picked up my phone to call him. We had just had the messiest break-up and weren't talking. But in that moment, I felt so much love for EVERYONE and knew that if I called him everything would be right! I was about to dial him up when I saw the empty juice glass on the floor. It needed to be washed and it needed to be washed right then. I took it down the hall to the kitchen and ran it under warm water.

A guy named Jordan came in to get some tools from under the sink. I didn't really know him very well and attempted to make casual small talk with him while the lights from the ceiling became brighter. I tried very hard to focus on the words that were coming out of his mouth, but the room was suddenly becoming very blurry. We both left the kitchen at the same time. He turned to the right and I had every intention of turning to the left but instead walked straight into a wall. I slid along the wall until I found my room.

I then went into panic mode.

Half of my body felt as though it was going numb. I was shaking uncontrollably. I thought I might die. The world around me seemed strange, surreal, and like it was going to melt away. My body felt like it was going to melt away. I was terrified.

I had to find my friend Amanda. She had also eaten a brownie.

I left my room and entered the bright hallway, unsure of whether or not I was awake or dreaming. I heard loud techno music at the other end of the hallway and walked towards it. It was coming from Amanda's room. I found her in the hall getting water from the drinking fountain. Her eyes were wide as she said, "Dude, I feel like I'm shrooms. Something was up with that brownie."

"Oh my god," I whispered, horrified. "I ate one too! Oh no! Can't you die on mushrooms? I feel like I'm going to die!"

"The past, present, and future are all happening at once!" said Amanda.

"I think I'm DYING," I said. "I don't want to be alone. Can we stick together?"

Amanda agreed that we should hang out and suggested we "explore" the building. This basically meant walking up and down the stairs and staring at ordinary things that were suddenly fascinating. She had to pull me away from the tile on the bathroom wall - I was watching it like it was television.

We were both very thirsty so we got some more water from the kitchen. I was shaking like crazy and Amanda decided we should get out of plain sight. So we went back to my room and things got really bad.

My head hurt and half my body was going numb. I felt like the world was going to fade into blackness, into nothingness. I asked Amanda if she was feeling the same way. She was. I sat on the couch and closed my eyes. I was going to die. I knew it. This was the end. I could see the flashing red lights of the ambulance in my head. I could see the newspaper headlines. "TWO TWENTY-SOMETHING GIRLS DIE FROM DRUG OVERDOSE," it read. I could see the guy who made the brownies on the news getting arrested. I could see my family crying. I could see myself lying motionless on a hospital bed.

I opened my eyes. I was still in my bedroom, sitting on the couch next to Amanda. She knew that sitting in the dark was a bad idea, so she convinced me that we should knock on the door of the guy that made the brownies and ask what else he put in there. It was obviously more than hash. So we ventured into the hallway again, but ended up chickening out on knocking on the guys door and went to the kitchen for more water.

At this point, a lady who was about forty came into the kitchen and could tell something was up. We confessed that we had eaten brownies and she vowed to stay up and take care of us. Seriously, if you ever have to have a bad drug trip, an artist's community is the place to do it. She even made a maze on the floor out of masking tape for us to crawl around in.

What comes next is a two hour montage of things I had to live down the next day. I told multiple people I was dying. I also met a girl that just moved in next door to me and yelled "DON'T EAT THE BROWNIES" at her. She was eating a bowl of soup in the kitchen and I loudly proclaimed that "EVERYONE IS EATING SOUP EXCEPT FOR THE PEOPLE WHO ARE NOT EATING SOUP." I wouldn't shut up about it until somebody wrote it down on a scrap piece of paper. I then sat in the corner and waved my arms melodramatically while Amanda zoned out on the couch and the new girl ate soup. It's by far the worst/best first impression I've ever left on anyone.

I also announced that I was going to start a band called "Propellers From Intergalactic Cellars" and kept asking people if they had seen David Bowie because I was looking for him. Basically, I was completely stoned out of my mind.

I also felt nauseous and stuck my head in the trash can.

After awhile, the kitchen cleared out and it was just Amanda and I. We sat next to each other on the couch. I was back to thinking I was absolutely going to die. I asked her if she was going to die and she said she thought she probably was. We sat there quietly for some unknown amount of time. I don't know if it was 15 minutes or two hours. But I do know that when I closed my eyes, it felt like the world around me was going to be sucked into a black hole and replaced with nothingness. I was going to be sucked into a black hole. Everything was going to be sucked into a black hole and become a black hole. The black hole was right in front of me and was going to turn inside out, swallowing all existence and becoming the new reality.

And there was a song in the distance. A David Bowie song. "Life On Mars," to be exact. I felt like I was singing along proudly and confidently, but I know that I was actually just rocking back and forth on the couch while mumbling the words "Strangers fighting in the dance hall."

The black hole faded, all the feeling came back in my body, and the room became less blurry. I looked at Amanda as though I was just realizing she was there on the couch next to me. We decided that we had gotten through the worst of it and should probably go to bed. After all, it was the middle of the night and neither one of us had really planned on having a multi-hour drug trip.

When I got back to my room, I thought it would be fun to leave myself notes all over my apartment and record myself playing the piano. I don't really even remember doing this, but I definitely woke up with the words "I KNOW HOW THE MOVIE ENDS" written on my arm. There was also a very intense 6 minute piano recording on my phone, which turned into "Total Eclipse Of The Heart" at the end (a song I didn't know I knew how to play).

I still felt high the next morning. I found the guy that gave me the brownie and asked him what the hell was in there. He smiled and said, "Just hash."

I don't know a lot about drugs, but I'm pretty sure hash doesn't make you think you might die/fall into a black hole. It remains a mystery, though.

Anyway, it's not an experience I regret, but I never want to do it again. I stay away from all drugs now and have become that paranoid person who always asks what the ingredients are when offered homemade baked goods.
sweaterhead sweaterhead
22-25, F
Sep 24, 2012