I Lost Friends Because I Made A Mistake, But Some Good Came Of It.

It's difficult to describe what the relationship was between my college roommate (I'll call her "Lee") and this guy (I'll call him "John").

Lee and John were dating, but broke up. They started hanging out again, but when asked if they were together, they both just shrugged. They would neither confirm nor deny being "together."

John and I had had some sexual tension brewing for quite some time. I told myself I had it under control, but one night he and I hung out alone, which we never did. We always hung out with Lee other friends around too. But that night, for totally innocent reasons, everyone else was off doing something else and it was just us.

We smoked a couple blunts, watched Futurama, the usual. I got tired. I always get tired when I smoke weed, but usually I had a roommate going to the same place to take the wheel. I wasn't sure if it was safe for me to drive home. John said it would be totally fine if I spent the night. He offered his sister's unoccupied room. My stupid, stupid high self said, "No, don't worry about it. We know each other well enough and trust that we're not going to do anything. I'll just sleep here." He froze, and then agreed.

I was sound asleep until about 3am, when I felt a hand gliding over the fly of my jeans...

It happened so fast, I barely remember it. I was also tired and still kinda high, of course. But I loved it. It felt too good to be wrong.

Weeks later, Lee and John went back to calling themselves "boyfriend and girlfriend." John begged me not to tell, and I in turn begged HIM not to tell. I could keep a secret just fine. I worried that he'd crack.

He did.

I've never had so many insults screamed at me at once: *****, *****, slime, disgusting ****, scum, you name it, I got called it. "I want you out of the room NOW!" she screamed. So did our other roommate. "You had SEX with my BOYFRIEND!" She screamed. She then began to recant, "You were sober, and he was drunk, and you thought it was a good idea to start sucking his ****?" "Whoa, whoa," I protested, "Look, I admit it. We had sex. But nobody was drinking and that's not at all how it happened." John had told her that to put as much of the blame on me as possible. In reality, we were both equally still hazy from the blunts, and far from me taking control and sucking his ****, he'd started undoing my pants while I was half awake and climbed on top of me.

I felt it would only make matters worse if I explained the physical logistics of what went down; nothing like describing your roommate's (sort of?) boyfriend mounting you while she's calling you a *****. So instead, after she hung up on me, I texted her, "Look, I know you're not going to believe this, but just so you know my side of the story, I didn't force myself on him when he was drunk. He initiated the whole thing while I was still half asleep."

She texted back, "***** cried rape again. You think you're so innocent."

Last May, I was sexually assaulted while I was drunk. I woke up to this guy I considered a friend taking my pants off. It was easily the most horrifying thing that has ever happened to me. My "friends" and people around campus blamed me. I chose to drink, so it was my fault. The guy who assaulted me had his girlfriend call me up to tell me what a ***** I was.

In the back of my mind, I'd always fear that if Lee found out about my one-night-stand with John, she'd go back to that traumatic event in May. I'd always feared she'd think, "how could she possibly have been assaulted if she willingly did something whorish?"

Well, I admit it. I did do something whorish with John. I know that. But I still never consented last May. In fact, I saw it as something of a personal triumph that I was confident enough to take my sex life into my own hands after that traumatic event, even if what I did was wrong. It was still something I chose to do, and I relished that.

After she texted me "***** cried rape again," I texted back, "I admit that I consented. I never said John raped me." She texted back, "You think you're so ******* innocent." I texted back, "I never said I was innocent. You're not even listening." She texted back, "***** back the **** off."

So at this point you're probably wondering, what good could have possibly come from this?

My friendship with Lee and our other roommate was deeply strained even without the John situation. I was the only roommate with a car, and I got taken advantage of a lot. I would literally sit in the car waiting for my other roommate to finish ******* this guy we smoked weed with so she would have a ride home. Sometimes, they'd all go over to this guys house to smoke, and I'd be stuck studying in the library or at work or at a meeting for a club or something. I'd drive them over, because they begged me, I'd go to the library or write my paper or whatever I had to do while they smoked, and then I'd go pick them up later. And we'd all wait in the car for a good forty five minutes while our other roommate had sex with the guy who provided the weed. I'd show up... to wait in the car. Lee and I were also the only ones to ever pay for weed, because our other roommate and John were totally broke. Our other roommate blew all her money on piercings and cigarettes (both of which I drove her to get). John just didn't have any to begin with.

It was a horrible friendship between the four of us, to be honest. It was unhealthy and it needed to be severed somehow. When Lee kicked me out (and the other roommate joined in the "*****" chorus and even threw lit cigarette butts at me), I felt free. Lee had said, "I hope you end up friendless," but our other mutual friends were surprisingly sympathetic. They all said something to the extent of, "Yeah, what you did was wrong. But she had no right to bring up the assault and treat you so badly." They didn't approve of what I had done, but then again, neither did I. Yet at the same time, they didn't shun me. They were supportive when I broke down crying in the middle of class after I thought I'd had it together. They were supportive when I was stonily silent in the cafeteria for quite some time. I was now living in a single, but I hung out with them often enough not to feel lonely.

A few good things came out of this. I severed unhealthy friendships, the extent of my true friendships withstood testing, and, honestly, it was the perfect cure to my feelings for John. Once we hooked up, all the tension evaporated, and I moved on to wayyy better guys. That doesn't mean I don't regret it. I took advantage of a friend's trust. No matter how bad of a friend she may have been, I was a bad friend, too, clearly. I intruded on a relationship, no matter how unofficial that relationship may have been. But all in all, I can't imagine what my life would be like if this hadn't happened. Still letting those friends mooch off me? Still pining after that loser, John? Ignoring my real friends to cater to the bad friends?

Lee and John got back together. Evidently, she could forgive him and not me. That made me laugh, just one more small benefit of this disaster.

I understand if by the time you're finished reading this, you're disgusted by what I did. I am too. But I'm a better person now because of what happened.

cari7 cari7
18-21, F
3 Responses Jul 20, 2010

In a biology class, people like them would be called "parasitic organisms". They were selfish every moment of every day. You were selfish once and they were done. The worst thing you could ever do is have any kind of contact with them. I've seen a few friends in a similar situation. Every time, it got taken to a new, lower level. They'll leave you HOMELESS. Literally. Or worse.

In a biology class, people like them would be called "parasitic organisms". They were selfish every moment of every day. You were selfish once and they were done. The worst thing you could ever do is have any kind of contact with them. I've seen a few friends in a similar situation. Every time, it got taken to a new, lower level. They'll leave you HOMELESS. Literally. Or worse.

yay - you got rid of your 'so-called' friends who weren't friends at all - good riddance to them... I'm glad you're a better person for it and have learned some significant lessons from it, like, who can you depend on in a crisis and what type of person DON'T you want in your life etc. Anyway, thanks for sharing your story - I'm not disgusted at all, I appreciate your frankness and hope the rest of your life's lessons aren't so harsh or traumatic... so, Lee and John got back together..hmmm... if John can lie so easily about your situation you can be sure he'll do it again..and again.. and again.. anyway, good for you to realise it took two to tango and not putting ALL the blame on John though...