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Where We Went Wrong.

My 1st marriage was a disaster! Instead of a long story of what she did to me and i did to her, i'd just like to say that neither of us knew how to do it right. For me, it was the result of bad childhood programing to not know and I assume the same for her. of all the issues we ever had, very bad communication and a lack of genuine friendship was at the heart of our problems. we finally divorced and it's a damn shame 'cos i was just getting started learning about good relationships in the therapy groups i was going to at the time but she could see not value in 100% honesty, respect, affection, fair fighting, and a lot of other simple techniques i was learning. she preferred her tried and true methods of control and secrecy so i just couldn't live like that once i realized a better relationship was possible. i met and married another Recovering person and we both started out using the stuff i was learning about a good relationship. it worked because we both just came from rotten marriages and wanted to do it right together. many times i wished my 1st marriage had not ended so badly but it take two to make it work and she would have no part of my new fangled bull sh*t. we have been married over 20 yrs with no loss of love, passion or commitment and our simple little relationship methods have worked wonders whereas our 1st marriages were holly hell from beginning to end! And all because we didn't know how and didn't even know how to find out how! at least today's couples have huge options to learn if they want - LOL few do though! sad!
jimrich jimrich 70+, M Jan 27, 2011

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