My Diy To Fix My Marriage- And It Worked

1) I began to pray
2) I began to pay........ (Attention) To what was wrong with me. (Not him)
3) I started to fix ME
4) I talked with him. ** I was not angry nor did I accuse him of causing my troubles.**
5) I found some fatal flaws in our relationship. (Both sides) So, I worked on them.
6) I forgave him for all past wrongs.
7) I asked his forgiveness for mine.
**Note**
This was hard for him bec he wasn't ready to work things out. My life change came suddenly and he hadn't been along for the ride. I understood and waited for him to come around. But, I never stopped working on me.
8) I held my ground and reminded him that our marriage was worth fighting for.
9) I told him I loved him everyday.
**When we talked on the phone, before leaving, after making love, I always said those words. Maybe you think it cheapens it.. Maybe so. But; when you have let your soul mate believe you fell outta love with them. If there was a time to say it a little too often.. I'd say this would be it.**
10) I stopped useing sex as a weapon. I let my love show in it too.
11) When he came around.. Ready to do some changing I never once reminded him of the way he behaved with me.
12) We don't argue when we are mad. Later we talk.
13) We agree that perfection is a non-human term and do not try to apply nor achieve it.
IamGreenEyes IamGreenEyes
31-35, F
6 Responses Jan 23, 2013

I tried all these things, but he still rarely pays attention to me & is careless of my feelings. I feel so alone after nearly 18 years of feeling this way & trying over & over again. I wanna give up but I'm trapped. What to do?

I tried all these things, but he still rarely pays attention to me & is careless of my feelings. I feel so alone after nearly 18 years of feeling this way & trying over & over again. I wanna give up but I'm trapped. What to do?

A beautiful positive story. An active effort for self-transformation (not bashing oneself but a balanced approach) is a very important ingredient of a relationship. I find yours is a good life example of that.
I knew a friend who held the ground too and I predicted to her at that time, that it would turn out to be one of her best decisions. Later the couple had opportunities to talk sanely. :-) It has been two years, their relationship seems back on track.

When did you come to this realization (how many years into the marriage) and how long did you have to work on it, before you saw it's first fruits ?

Do write if you come to know how your husband felt during those transition times and what he thought of that. That'll be great to know too.

Best wishes.

That's a great story. I rated it +3 :)

Points from 2 to 13 are great. And it's never the wrong time to say 'I love you'.

I posted a thank you to this.. Hummm Idk why it's not here. So Thank you my Friend!

That was a very mature response on your part - and I love the way you took personal responsibility.<br />
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My wife and I used to fight and fight - seemed like that's all we ever did. So the first ten years or so of our marriage were really difficult. And painful.<br />
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Then we learned how to give each other space, quit trying to change each other, and resolve our conflicts (communication and compromise).<br />
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We're now approaching our 32nd anniv. and she's still the love of my life.

Thank you. I am happy to hear that you were able to fix your marriage. It's important that we share our story. Congrats too! :-) 32 is AWESOME!!! God willing we will be there 1 day too. Thank you so much for your reply.

Wow. Thats a long good time, 32 years. Wish you the very best.

Good for you two! You obviously had something worth fighting for. Some of us were lied to. My guy turned out to be a narcissist. Lied to me to get me to marry him. Decided in the middle of the game that he didn't want to parent the child we adopted together. I tried working on myself, but whatever I did, he held himself blameless in all things (that's narcissm--he may also be a sociopath). Anyway, congrats! It just depends on what's wrong in the relationship. I can't forgive my man for emotionally abandonning his own child. He want to put him in foster care because it turns out he has special needs. It takes a bigger (or dumber) person to forgive crap like that. But I give three cheers for you guys. Good luck to you!!!

Jesus... My heart hurts for you. I had tears in my eyes as I read your story. You were right to leave somebody like that. Hold your baby close. In the end they are all that matter anyway. I hope you eventually find the person that deserves the family you have made. Good luck and all my prayers.