"My Story"

First and far most of all, this is my little short story of what I actually went through during 1995-2000 and just wanted you readers to know that we all have our own opinions, in which I had stated mine. So, please feel free to express your opinions in however which way you choose and let me know where you stand in all this. Thank You!  

   

    I have seen so many horrible, crazy and unmentionable things through-out my life and have been through a lot of them as well, to which I regret and wish I could take back. It's so funny though that when these things are going on, it's so crazy how a person can notice when someone else is in danger of a wrong relationship or a wrong idea that can lead them into a very bad situation and can cause a lot of pain and hurt to that person, but, when it comes to themselves, they don't see the warnings and dangers…I too saw these things and never wanted to see my loved ones or friends go through anything as horrifying and dreadful, but what gets me, is that even though I knew all this and told myself how I would never ever let a man put his hands on me like that and hurt me so bad, did just that. How did I ever let myself get into something as horrible and ugly when I knew better. I keep trying to tell myself,"Why? Why did I let myself get treated so ugly and let myself get hurt like that, why?" I had been warned time and time again about this person, but I didn't see it as clearly like they did, but, when it was the other way around, I saw it very clear and tried my best to help them understand and show them it wrong. Me, no, I went completely blind to the whole thing acting like they were crazy and just didn't want to see me happy. But, no, it was the complete opposite, now that to me is crazy. I was told not to get married or even get involved with this man….because he was BAD NEWS! Why didn't I listen? I married someone who I knew in my heart was the wrong person for me, but I was so caught up on myself being stubborn and acting like I knew it all and married him anyways. That was my fault. I do admit, which caused me to go through so much hell and torment. This (excuse me language) ***, did the most horrifying things to me. He would lock me up in a dark closet, by putting the heavy wooden drawers in front of the door so I wouldn't get out and he would take me against my will, but hurt me. He lied all the time to my family about where I was and would punch me and drag me all across the house if I even mentioned I wanted to go out with my family or friends, but most of all he tried countless times to cut me with broken glass bottles when I tried to leave him. I thought he was possessed, no really. The way he acted and how he could lift these heavy things with one hand out of anger and rage looking at me in the eyes and talking down to me like I was his *****…Man, he had beaten me time and time again hoping I would bleed to death. He was just a bad man!! He was crazed, seemed so demonic most of the time and out of his mind. I couldn't even hold a job cause of his wicked jealously and he would never leave me any phones because he would un-plug the phone jacks and take them with him, never trusted me. He did all the cheating, not me, so it was his guilt making him act this way about not trusting me, but I didn't care because I knew he wouldn't come home and touch me…..You know, I can go on and on of the horror he put me through and all things I had seen when I was married to him, but it would take up so much space and plus it still gives me chills to even talk about it. The reason why I'm saying this now is because I feel by actually letting this all out in the open, will also help finish my healing and hopefully can help somebody else who had been through it or is going through this right now.  You see, some people are not as who they make themselves to be. They are hiding and waiting until all can be revealed. Some people actually think that they deserve being treated like trash and have no respect for themselves. That is not so, we need to love ourselves and no matter what, know it in our hearts that we are special and deserve the best in this world. We all have that special and perfect match out there somewhere and in time we will or had already meet them. Just know that you don't need a man or woman around you who will deliberately put hurt, burdens, pain, lies and unloving things upon your life, not worth your time of day. We are great and wonderful people who deserve the best… Love yourself… and look to GOD for all your needs and desires of your heart. Believe me, He will not fail you nor forsake you and Him you will find your "Perfect Match"  

ksoria73 ksoria73
31-35, F
2 Responses Jun 9, 2007

I can't believe you managed to get a way from him, that takes a lot of courage. I would love to hear how you managed to get a way from him. I hope he is in jail or something. Where your friends and family aware that this was going on? did they try and help or not, as this might have made him worse?

I'm sorry you went through so many terrible things. He sounds like he was demon possessed. i'm glad you got out of that relationship. things like that can take several years to heal from. God can help you and often time he uses therapists, too. I highly recommend getting some therapy to heal from that. And I bet there was a childhood history of abuse, too, in both of you.<br />
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It sonds like you learned alot and are much more able to take care of yourself, now, and make better choices.<br />
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I love what you say about making God your "Perfect Match" or husband. That's perfect. He surely will never leave or forsake you. <br />
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I'm new to this and don't have any friends, yet. Want to be friends?