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I Did Too.

My New Year started off with my mom being in the nursing home. She was in the hospital & then nursing home from December 9th to January 6th. She had to spend both Christmas & New Years alone. Well, she wasn't alone, she was in the nursing home, but she wasn't with family. Our bus system drastically cut back their routes recently & completely stopped going to the hospital & nursing home altogether (they're right next door to one another), so now, whenever she's hospitalized, I can't even visit her. It's very hard for me to visit her because of my agoraphobia-- I have to leave the house in order to see her. But now I can't even do that. So I couldn't see her on Christmas, or New Years. My aunt & uncle visited her on either Christmas Eve or the day before, but I think that, other than that, she was there alone. It made me feel horrible, but I could barely afford food & could certainly not afford a $30 cab fare each way, $60 total, to visit her. I have no friends because of my social anxiety & because I never leave the house, so there was no one I could ask to take me. I'm too afraid of being around my family (the questions they always ask & never like the answers to), so I couldn't ask them. This New Year was definitely bad. She was also hospitalized & then put in the nursing home again from Fenruary 11th to March 25th. She even spent four days in the ICU. I was absolutely terrified, but had no way to see her. I even talked to my aunt & uncle when she was in the ICU, but no one offered to take me along to see her, even though they said they were going themselves (they lied-- they never did). It was a very bad start to what has so far turned out to be a pretty bad year. I'm dreading most of the rest of it, especially in terms of my mom & her health.

lyricalongings lyricalongings 31-35, F Apr 4, 2010

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