I Still Miss Her.

When I was sixteen my best friend was murdered by her father. I remember I didn't find out until late in the evening when I called a friend to find out what she needed. She had been calling all night. I ended up talking with her mother and finding out the news. I didn't go to school the next day. It was horrifying watching it on the news that night. Her house, the police, the picture she hated being plastered everywhere. I remember she would have hated that. We used to joke and call that her nerd picture. She really changed that year. Lost the dorky glasses, cut her hair really stylish. We were completely the same. That was the hardest thing at the funeral, her mom wailing and saying how much we were alike. We liked the same things, made fun of the same things and were very goal driven. Later that year I had to go to the trial. I still can't get the cornor photos out of my head. No matter how old I get I still can't forget it. It will be 9 years since she died but I still miss her like it was yesterday. I've never had a close friend like her since. Infact I don't really have any friends, except my fiance, who is my best friend. I'm not sure why I can't make friends, maybe I don't want to replace her. I had friends in high school and in college, never the kind of friendship I had though with her. When I was in college I had this strange morning where it's like I forgot she was gone and thinking...I wonder what she is doing right now. She would have been a science major for sure. Probably curing cancer right now. She was so smart and geeky that way. I was always into computer and she loved Biology. We were so unpopular. We would joke about it. I really miss having a friend like her. Just a girl friend who I can call up and talk about anything with. Go shopping, do stupid girl things. It's weird when I go back home to visit. Seeing my small town, even if I bump into an old high school friend it feels out of place. I always think do they remember her? Do they think about her like I do, each time something big happens? She should be experiencing the same things I am right now. Graduating college, getting married, owning a house, having a career, living life. There is an old saying that time heals all wounds. It does but you never truly stop missing someone. You never forget them and you certainly will always wish you could have had just a little more time with them. I know I do.
peapod peapod
26-30, F
3 Responses Jan 17, 2007

I was very touched by your story. Even now that you may have left this site behind, the small part of your love for your friend that you put into telling this story means that she's remembered by people who never knew her, but knew what she meant to you. <br />
<br />
I hope life has been found you on a happier path :)

Thats really sad man, ive never lost a friend but all of my really close friends moved to different states and out of he country when i was younger and it made me so sad because i knew i would never see them again and there was something different about them that i loved. So in a way i know how you feel and im truly sorry for your loss...hope you feel better

I know it must be hard for you, I know it was hard for me too,.<br />
heres a poem It will make you cry but you will like it and I hope you see the bright side, and dont feel lke your in the dark anymore love and light Phoenx xx<br />
IF I KNEW<br />
<br />
If I knew it would be the last time<br />
That I'd see you fall asleep,<br />
I would tuck you in more tightly<br />
and pray the Lord, your soul to keep.<br />
<br />
If I knew it would be the last time<br />
>>that I see you walk out the door,<br />
>>I would give you a hug and kiss<br />
>>and call you back for one more.<br />
>><br />
If I knew it would be the last time<br />
>>I'd hear your voice lifted up in praise,<br />
>>I would video tape each action and word,<br />
>>so I could play them back day after day.<br />
>><br />
If I knew it would be the last time,<br />
>>I could spare an extra minute<br />
>>to stop and say "I love you,"<br />
>>instead of assuming you would KNOW I do.<br />
>><br />
If I knew it would be the last time<br />
>>I would be there to share your day,<br />
>>Well I'm sure you'll have so many more,<br />
>>so I can let just this one slip away.<br />
>><br />
For surely there's always tomorrow<br />
>>to make up for an oversight,<br />
>>and we always get a second chance<br />
>>to make everything just right.<br />
>><br />
>>There will always be another day<br />
>>to say "I love you,"<br />
>>And certainly there's another chance<br />
>>to say our "Anything I can do?"<br />
>><br />
But just in case I might be wrong,<br />
>>and today is all I get,<br />
>>I'd like to say how much I love you<br />
>>and I hope we never forget.<br />
>><br />
Tomorrow is not promised to anyone,<br />
>>young or old alike,<br />
>>And today may be the last chance<br />
>>you get to hold your loved one tight.<br />
>><br />
So if you're waiting for tomorrow,<br />
>>why not do it today?<br />
>>For if tomorrow never came, you'll surely regret the day,<br />
>><br />
That you didn't take that extra time<br />
>>for a smile, a hug, or a kiss<br />
>>and you were too busy to grant someone,<br />
>>what turned out to be their one last wish.<br />
>><br />
So hold your loved ones close today,<br />
>>and whisper in their ear,<br />
>>Tell them how much you love them<br />
>>and that you'll always hold them dear<br />
>><br />
Take time to say "I'm sorry,"<br />
>>"Please forgive me," "Thank you," or "It's okay."<br />
>>And if tomorrow never comes,<br />
>>you'll have no regrets about today.! <br />
blessed be xx