..more Of A Series Of Moments...


I have had a few moments in life that shaped the person I am today.  People that knew me twenty years ago do not belive that this is really me. If you believe in palm reading you can see the paths marked on my hand of changed paths and near misses. I am not so sure about all that but what I can tell you is I am not the person I was  and today I am me and tomorrow I change still. This is the process of the journey of life. Moments ...moments that forever etch a stain on the fabric of our soul. Faces, nameless like floating ghosts hover with words, actions and frozen moments of endless time.two years old..Its my birthday, I am excited to be three, no more sippy cup , mommy gives me a big girl cup..  Three years old, bathroom, in trouble mommy yelling....Five years old, back seat   I point to the "school" I went to just a few days ago and mommy turning around slapping me and yelling "shut up. its not your school any more". ( I learned much later that I had been kicked from a Christian private school for my ungodly behavior) Seven years old, I wet the bed... mommy and daddy say how stupid I am then they put the whole mattress outside so the neighbors can see they say....Eight years old, poem ripped out of my hand and ripped up by a mother who then banged my head in the coffee table for what she claimed was me copying her by writing a poem.11 years old, first attempt at suicide. 12 years old private school, teacher says I can trust her when she asks about my bruises. 12 1/2  Daddy leaves, mommy says I can never say his name again. Puts his dog to sleep. 13 years old,  pastor says I can trust him,  mother lies, beats me more, I learn to never trust even the clergy.Age 13 still teacher tells me I can be anything I want to be... age 15 told by an English teacher I will never have any money or success in my life.  16, Grandpa dies....17 ran away.. 19 was... raped.... .eight months later ..at 20 birth of first child.(one month premature) age ... From that moment on, my life was never the same ...it was not just me any more. I will not let the pain I have endured be carried to her..also age nineteen, first marriage.... first violent act in defense spent night in jail..promised I would be free in my soul one day somehow... age 22 put in a domestic violence center and taught to not be a victim but to take charge of my life......also age 22  divorced... age 24 remarried.... gave birth to my son.... adopted my stepdaughter.....age 26 decided to  start a spiritual path... gave birth to a daughter... age 27 moved from my home state.. age 28 gave birth to a daughter.... age 29  car accident... major...,....  started a new way of life, changed eating habits, made better friends,  age 30-present day...ready to explore who I am, open about who I am spiritually and also sexually. A very good friend told me they "give a **** about me", and so far this year I have become less rebellious and me and God have made peace with each other. I have forgiven my mother and made peace with my inner child. So you see its not one defining moment...its a series of events, places and moments that have defined the person I am today.
MeltedFlowers MeltedFlowers
31-35, F
Feb 26, 2010