I Miss Her

I had a dog.

Her name is Shadow.  I was there with her mother when her litter was born, seven pups and she was the smallest.  I've been looking after her ever since.

I never intended to keep her with me, but it just sorta ended up that way when the guy who bought her decided that she was too much hassle.  It sure was awesome having her with me for my road trip from Smithers to the Yukon.  I met so many people that I never would have if it wasn't for her; she really helped me bust out of my shell.

When I got to Dawson things got even better.  So many people for her to meet, and dogs to play with.  I knew if I left her loose long enough, someone would fall for that puppy face.

When I first thought of bringing Shadow to the North with me, I had this idea of us sleeping together, curled up for warmth.  But she would never sleep with me for some reason.  I could get her to lie on the bed, but if I moved around at all she would start growling and jump off.  Very strange, because she had no problem cuddling up with my roommate when he was here.  One night she broke out of the walltent while I was sleeping and went barking and scratching on these people's door to be let in at three in the morning.  She would go scratch on a door before she would crawl into my bed...

So those people assumed I was mistreating Shadow, I think, because shortly after that I got a warning that if I kept letting Shadow run free she was going to get taken by the pound.  The next day she disappeared, and a couple of days later the folks who had let Shadow in came over and, oh by the way, they just happened to know that Shadow was in the pound.  If they had just come over and asked me if they could keep her I would have said yes, but maybe two weeks in the impound will do her some good.

I miss her like crazy, but this is what is best for her.  I'm having enough trouble just taking care of myself.  And besides, where I'm headed, I couldn't bring her with me anyways.

This year has been about letting go of everything I love.  Today, my heart is empty; my attachments to this world are nearly all gone.  So, with all of this, what comes next?  I have made all of this space in my heart, so what is there to fill it up again?
NeonBlueMidnight NeonBlueMidnight
26-30, M
Dec 3, 2012